Something sweet as sugar & slightly nonsensical
by fukuji mihoko
Summary: A collection of fluffy, hopefully funny and fairly light-hearted Ronove/Battler oneshots. Not to be taken entirely seriously.
1. The one with toothaches

**Something sweet as sugar & slightly nonsensical  
><strong>Short o1: The one with toothaches

* * *

><p>Battler had been trying to keep a steady expression, but now the pain was getting just a little too much, even for him.<p>

Sure, in his long and colorful history he'd suffered a lot of physical anguish, from being beaten up by Jessica for persistently stealing her toy dinosaurs when he was six, to being staked to death repeatedly by Beato's weird harm of big-breasted sisters. Pain was nothing new to him. This should, by all rights, have been a piece of cake. A walk in the park.

Something he could shrug off and laugh about.

But that didn't change the fact it really, really _hurt_.

"A-aah… D-damn it… damn it, damn it, d-damn iiiit… A-aahn… …"

Useless. It was all _useless_.

Alerted, no doubt, by Battler's moan of pain, that damn demon butler looked up from his task of darning one of Asmodeus' socks to meet Battler's eyes.

"Oh? That doesn't sound like a particularly positive sound… Is anything the matter?"

Battler glared at Ronove sourly, hating him and his stupid smile.

"Heh… … i-ihihi… Y-you ask if I'm alright? Why would you need to ask something so stupid- you have eyes, don't you? C-can't you tell I'm in pain? … …C-che… d-damn it… … …"

"Pu ku ku~ I did notice, yes- but I was under the assumption it was considered good manners to ask how people are feeling when they claim to be in pain? I was merely trying to be polite."

"Yeah, well, I-I'll tell you where you can stick your manners… Ihihi… … Y-you can just-"

"No, you don't need to elaborate. Judging by your tone of voice, and your rather charming manner of speech, I believe I have enough clues to assume what the rest of your sentence will entail~"

"Ihihi… A-aaah, so now you want to give me a headache as well? Che." Battler made a small sound halfway between a scoff and a gasp of pain, as he gently pressed one hand against his swollen cheek. "A-aah… I-I bet this is all your fault, you damn demon butler. Yeah- this pain I'm feeling right now, it's all your fault."

"Oh?" Ronove raised a brow. "And how would that be? Please do go on- I'm curious. How I have wronged you, exactly?"

"Heh. Heheh… I-it's simple, really." And with that, Battler stabbed the finger of his free hand at Ronove from across the table (the other hand still preoccupied with cupping his own cheek). "This is my proclamation. If you didn't keep baking me so many of those delicious cookies, and making them so damn tasty I just have to eat all of them, then… u-urgh… … t-then I definitely wouldn't have such an awful toothache! Doesn't that make _**you**_ the culprit?"

But Battler's dramatic proclamation was ruined when, moments after, his small smirk of triumph was replaced with a grimace.

Whimpering pathetically, he let his hand fall against the tabletop once more with a dull _thump_.

His toothache… really was terrible.

He'd had toothache before, of course- it was a minor discomfort most people suffered from time to time; but this was much, much worse than a normal toothache. It felt like somebody was tightening screws into his back teeth until they penetrated into his gums- aaaah, it was really painful! T-this was the kind of toothache only a demon could have given to somebody, wasn't it?

Y-yeah, it was probably that damn butler's fault; it was all his fault…

Probably.

Most likely.

It had nothing to do with the fact Battler had eaten a whole plateful of Ronove's delicious sugar cookies before he went to bed last night, of course not; that didn't even factor into it, i-it wasn't Battler's fault! Battler refused to believe this horrible, blunt, agonizing pain that had plagued his mouth all day was his own fault!

Blaming somebody else for his own pain made it easier to bear.

_Just _a little.

Ronove surveyed Battler in silence for a few moments; watching as the redhead's face contorted through a series of rather horrible expressions that certainly didn't look healthy.

Then, after a small pause… … a very soft smile spread across Ronove's lips.

It wasn't cruel or teasing, as it so easily could have been in a situation like this.

Instead, it was warm- and genuinely caring; maybe just a little amused, but… not nastily so.

It was the kind of smile a friend might have given to another when they were feeling depressed; the kind of smile usually reserved to cheer others up. Yeah, it was _that _kind of familiar smile, and it made Battler shudder to think they maybe he'd known Ronove for such a while now they might have reached a relationship where exchanging sincere expressions like that was okay.

_Damn it._

Had they somehow become 'friends' without Battler even realizing it?

That demon butler was pretty damn sneaky, chipping away at Battler's defenses bit by bit with his tasty tea, or cookies- or sometimes, occasionally, with his genuinely interesting and intelligent conversation that was fun to partake in.

Not that would Battler would admit it.

"My, my. I was wondering why you were occasionally pulling these rather… unique… faces throughout the course of this day. I didn't want to say anything for fear of being rude, but I was beginning to worry you may have been possessed by demons. So it's only a toothache? That is quite a relief, pu ku ku~"

"H-haha, yeah- l-laugh all you want, you damn bastard- b-b-but I kinda wish it was a demon. I could just exorcise them, or throw holy water at it or something, b-but how can I solve this problem? You want me to tear my own back teeth out? Is that what you want? Is that why you kept feeding so much tasty food- so I will literally have to pull my own teeth out, and Beato could wear them as a chocker?"

Battler glanced up at Ronove, still with that sour expression on his face that could curdle milk; hand clapped miserably to the side of his cheek. His fingers were trembling slightly.

"Ihihi… ihihi… … Y-you really are a bastard…"

Ronove returned this rather vitriolic statement with another small smile.

"Ah, now it is a pity you would think that, isn't it? Hm… What a shame. Especially as I have grown to rather like you… and I doubt our wonderful relationship could deepen if you felt I was trying to make you… tear your own teeth out, was it? That is hardly the type of activity people do when they wish to bond with one another~ I feel you have misunderstood me completely."

Shaking his head bemusedly, Ronove set aside Asmodeus' sock (the one he had been darning earlier) on the arm of his chair. Then, in one very graceful and fluid motion, he snapped his fingers- and a single golden butterfly alighted upon the circular table between the two men.

When it burst, it created a small outwards explosion of tiny, glittering fragments of gold. These fragments soon revealed a rather elegant willow patterned cup, filled with a clear liquid that wasn't tea.

Battler looked at it suspiciously.

"What's that for?"

"It's for you. Hot water and lemon- imbued with some magic slightly kinder than the magic you have seen Milady use so often. I believe it should be of some help for your ailment."

"Hm? Is this some kind of demon's trick?"

Battler picked up the cup, staring at his distorted reflection in the contents dubiously.

"Like, it'll cure my toothache by making me bleed maggots from the stomach or something, putting me in so much pain I can't even think about my poor teeth anymore? Is that it? It sounds like the kind of thing a friend of Beato's would do, ihihi- o-ow… … a-aah… d-damn it…"

And yet, despite his attempted bravado, his teeth were still aching.

Ronove laughed. "I'm afraid I find any kind of magic involving maggots rather ungraceful. It's not really my style. I merely wish to offer you some comfort. You have been through rather a lot during Milady's games, so it seems rather unfair a minor affliction like a toothache should hinder you as well. I merely have your best interests at heart."

"Oh? Is that so?"

"It is so. I'm not a sadist, and I don't enjoy seeing you in pain. I believe your smiles are far more attractive, pu ku ku~"

"Eheheh… W-watch it there. You're getting a little familiar with me- it's making my skin crawl."

"Oh, do forgive me. The Seven Sisters enjoy it when people compliment their appearance; I am afraid I am unable to shake the habit now, pu ku ku~"

"Heh… Well, complimenting hot girls is always fine…"

"And what if, per say… I happened to find you more attractive than any woman…?" Ronove smiled mischievously, shamelessly; his fingertips now laced together, as he rested his head on his hands, elbows on the table top. "Would it be fine if I decided to compliment you then?"

Battler's cheeks immediately flared red at that- though he tried, desperately, to keep his temperature under control.

He knew, if he tried to retort, he'd just get tongue-tied, and then Ronove would see that as an opportunity to tease him even more. It was best to just ignore it.

Just ignore it…

Battler glared down at the cup of hot water and lemon suspiciously, as though it had wronged it; trying to force himself not to blush.

He still didn't entirely trust the drink Ronove had prepared for him. Battler half-expecting it turn thick, sticky and bright red blood when he pressed it to his lips. Of course, it did no such thing. It was just water.

Ronove might have said a lot of outrageous things at Battler's expense, but he didn't seem to be inherently cruel. Battler knew, deep down, Ronove would never play a horrible trick on him like that.

Maybe he was reading into it too much.

This drink was… … a kind gesture… maybe.

And there didn't seem to be any malice behind it.

There was no malice behind Ronove's smile at all.

T-that damn demon butler… really was too friendly. Way too friendly to be trusted. And Battler hated relying on Beato's allies for help; something about it just felt _wrong_, and yet-

"O-ow…"

-and yet his teeth really _did _hurt quite a bit.

So, even though accepting that demon's kindness made him feel… kind of strange (how many people in Purgatorio were _nice _to him?), and a little like he'd given in… Battler really couldn't refuse.

There was nothing wrong with relying on others… just a little, was there?

No.

He didn't think there was.

He hoped that was the case.

The moment he brought the cup to his lips, he swore, just for a second… that he saw a very, very sincere, and earnest, and truly flattered expression flicker across Ronove's face.

_Thank you for trusting me. It will make our light-hearted conversations far more enjoyable in the future..._

Ronove's smile was probably saying something like that. Ronove rarely confessed to Battler his own personal feelings, and everything he did say seemed to be coated so thickly in impenetrable politeness that masked rather deadpan sarcasm it was difficult to take any of it seriously.

But... Battler thought he could take that briefest flicker of an honest, open, happy expression on that demon's countenance at face value.

It seemed Ronove really did value his company.

The drink was warm and soothing when it went down.

That was why it happened. I-it was because the drink was too hot. That was all. There was no other reason for it; absolutely no other reason.

There was no other reason… … w-why Battler was blushing.

* * *

><p><strong>an: **Ahaha another umineko oneshot collection? Don't worry, this won't be anywhere near as long as Dysfunctional. It's just a dumping ground for all the Ronove/Battler oneshots I happen to have written over the past few weeks. Because they're all about one pairing they might get a bit samey, I do apologize *bows head* I hope they're all of decent quality, at least.

**~renahhchen xoxoxo**


	2. The one with roses

**Something sweet as sugar & slightly nonsensical  
><strong>Short o2: The one with roses

* * *

><p>"Good morning, Battler."<p>

"Ah, yo, Rono… oh… …?"

Battler's tired greeting soon died in his mouth the moment his slow, sluggish brain finally processed the sight before him. The piece of toast he'd been eating fell from his mouth; dropping from his crumb-covered fingers to his equally crumb-covered plate with a light _thump._

Ronove was…

W-why was he…

Just…

Just _why_?

"Hm? Is there something wrong, Battler?"

"Ihihi, aha, well, um… I just… _heh_. What are _those_?"

"These?" Ronove smiled pleasantly and held the objects in his arms a little closer to his chest; though he did not hold them so tightly that he would inadvertently hurt himself. He was too careful to make a minor mishap like that. "Pu ku ku… I would have thought it was obvious~ They're roses."

Battler's left eye twitched.

"I-I _know_ what they are!"

"Yes, I thought you would. That's why I found it such an odd question."

Elegantly, Ronove used the gloved thumb and forefinger of one free hand to pluck a single bright red rose away from its fellows.

Twirling the captive rose between the pads of his fingers, he asked, still smiling, "Was it, then, a philosophical question? Were you perhaps pondering why roses are called as such, or whether roses that exist in Purgatorio truly 'exist' at all, much like myself and Milady? That would be quite an interesting topic for discussion, but also a rather heavy conversation to have so early in the morning, pu ku ku~"

"Ihihi… hi… y-you talk too much. As if I'd ask something that weird." Battler folded his arms and sighed. "…Che. I have enough trouble trying to distinguish what corpses are corpses and who's playing dead and how much wordplay is involved in Beato's mind games as it is, without trying to ponder the meaning of life and… _roses_… alongside that. If I did all that in one go, my head would explode."

"And that would be quite the pity. I fear you would get the kitchen dirty if that happened."

"Oh, so you only care about your kitchen? Who cares if Battler's head explodes, let's all worry about the kitchen?"

"Well, naturally, I wish to avoid any unnecessary mess; and the thought of blood being splattered in the same room the food is prepared doesn't sound particularly hygienic… not that Miss Beelzebub would mind."

"Heheh. That girl really will eat anything. It's a wonder she's so skinny."

"I've wondered, too."

"Maybe all that extra weight goes to her boobs or her thiii~iighs, ihihi… I'd like to try and eat those some day~"

"Ah, truly? But if you blatantly did such a shameless thing, I'm afraid you might suffer injuries far more dire than a mere exploded skull… pu ku ku~ And, if you wish to know the truth… I would be rather unhappy if you did meet a violent and disturbing demise like that. I rather enjoy spending time with you, and our idle conversations~

"Oh, but that's a secret, alright?~ Please don't tell Milady how attached I am to you; she would only grow jealous. Pu ku ku~"

Battler's shoulders tensed slightly at this; his face flushing inadvertently (w-well, it wasn't like he control it or anything… Especially not when he was _plainly _being flirted with like that!)

A little awkwardly, Battler muttered, "R-right, whatever… … Whatever." He was staring fixatedly at the table top the whole while.

Battler winced.

The more he thought, the more he didn't like it.

He… didn't like it.

Wasn't there something a little odd about this situation?

Yeah, it felt like there was something _definitely _odd- those weird comments aside… O-or maybe, just maybe…

Were those comments… leading up to something?

The mere thought made Battler feel slightly ill.

He wished he hadn't eaten that toast now. Maybe something more traditionally Japanese, like rice or miso soup, would've gone down better.

"S-so, I was just wondering... ihihi, well… all those roses… T-they are for… what, exactly?"

Battler tried to sound casual, he really did- but it didn't work out that well.

Maybe that was why Ronove was smiling.

Bastard.

Still twirling that captive rose about between his fingertips, Ronove said, after a small pause, "…Well. I thought I would make them into a nice gift for-"

And those were the exact words Battler had _not _wanted to hear.

A-a gift?

W-who the hell gave roses as a gift to anybody- especially a large amount like this; and, aaah… h-had they been picked by hand? I-it certainly looked like that! The assorted white, pink and red petals were still damp from dew- they must've been chosen just moments ago from outside! Battler didn't much care from which rose garden Ronove had taken them- he was more concerned that he'd bothered to pick them at all!

A-aaah… No way… no way…

Who would give a beautiful bouquet of roses, chosen by_ hand_ no less, to somebody this casually, unless there was any deeper meaning attached? People didn't just go around and give each other roses- they didn't; it was weird, and it wasn't done- and the only people that _did _do stuff like that were…

Were…

A-ahaha, t-they were… _lovers_, weren't they… …?

At the mere thought, Battler's face turned light pink (incidentally, that pink was the exact same hue that predominated Ronove's bouquet).

Battler might've come across as a pervert who was obsessed with boobs, and yeah, that was partially true- b-but when it came to _real romance_, he could get surprisingly flustered and embarrassed about it. Despite what he said 99.99% of the time, Ushiromiya Battler was a strange kind of gentleman- and he'd always loved the idea of acting as a girl's prince, and sweeping her off her feet; hence all the corny old pick-up lines he'd used when he was younger (even if he hadn't really understood them at the time, and had ended up looking like an idiot).

S-so, something like being presented with a whole bunch of roses, friggin' _roses_ just like that, out of the blue, i-it… it…

It hit him a lot, lot harder than any of Ronove's light-hearted flirtatious comments ever had done.

W-what the hell?

What the _actual _hell?

"…Battler? Are you alright? You look somewhat feverish?"

Battler froze at this soft, genuinely… _caring_… question.

That demon butler was too close to him, a little too close- a-aah, how had he gotten that close? Ronove was looking at him with faint amusement in his face, and the longer Battler looked at him, the more he started to appreciate just how very blue Ronove's eyes were, a-and that… wasn't good…

T-that definitely wasn't good!

He had to say something- and fast!

But what could he say?

What could he do?

"A-aah, ah, u-um, I… I… _I appreciate it, but I really can't accept your feelings_!"

…he could make himself sound like a complete idiot, that was what he could do.

Niiiiiice going.

He really was a smooth talker in situations like this, huh?

Battler groaned under his breath- anxiously looking up at Ronove from underneath his bangs.

Ronove looked back at him levelly.

"…I beg your pardon?"

Alright.

He had to do his best not to sound like a blundering, incompetent idiot this time.

Battler took a deep breath- and then started to talk;

"I-ihihi, I-I mean… um… I'm used to this kind of thing, really, a-and I've had people confess to me before… um, typically girls… Like, only girls… W-with home made chocolates on Valentine's Day, or notes in my shoe locker or whatever, so this is fine and all, but still… a-actually, no, I don't think this is fine, this is _kiiiind _of creepy, and I really, _really _don't feel that way about you, so if we can just forget this whole thing ever happened and-"

But Ronove soon cut Battler and his nonsensical babblings off- which might have been a good thing, in all honesty, because Battler had no idea what the hell he was talking about.

Worryingly enough… there was a rather mischievous smile on that demon butler's face.

"…Battler. Are you sure you're alright? You're acting rather oddly- more so than usual… pu ku ku~ I honestly cannot understand what you're implying with your words at all~"

Battler continued to stare; face still flushed.

"But you… and I… … the _roses_."

"Yes. These are roses, as we have already established. And, if you would have let me finish my earlier sentence, you would also know that I intend to use them to make rose petal jam."

"Eh, but I… ihihi… _jam_?"

"Yes. Jam. For Miss Virgilia, as a gift. You're familiar with the concept of jam, yes?"

"I-I, ah… um… I-I am familiar with the concept, yes… …"

Ronove laughed at Battler's obvious distress; not even trying to politely muffle the sound behind one of his hands. He couldn't have done anyway, given his hands were both otherwise engaged, holding onto all those flowers that were causing _so much _trouble.

No jam was worth all this embarrassment, no matter how delicious it was- and it probably would be delicious, too, given Ronove was so good at everything related to the kitchen.

Damn it…

"My, my~ Judging by that rather cute and endearing expression on your face… is it possible you thought I had a certain… _other _motive? Pu ku ku…~"

If possible, Battler's face turned an even deeper shade of crimson.

Great.

Now, thanks to his ridiculous (n-not that it _was _ridiculous!) hair, his whole head looked as though it was on fire.

Stuttering helplessly, his tongue tripping over his words, Battler choked out indignantly, "W-well, w-when you start calling me things like 'cute' o-of course I'm going to get a little suspicious! A-and you always do that _thing _where you stand too close to me, a-and you say all this really weird stuff, a-and you, y-you… …"

"Hm~ I wasn't aware I did a '_thing_'?"

"You do," said Battler flatly, folding his arms. "You do a _thing_, and it's a creepy _thing_, and I'd like you stop."

"Aha, certainly, I will try… But~ Aah, you still look rather disappointed…? If you were truly hoping for some kind of present, then… pu ku ku~ It would be exceedingly rude of me not to meet your expectations, after I had- even inadvertently- raised them so high. I am not cruel enough to leave somebody such as yourself heartbroken; certainly not~"

"H-heartbroken? I-I'm not even, I-I-"

"Please, don't talk any further of the matter, if you find it so upsetting. Instead… just take this, as a token of my appreciation towards you~"

And, with an elegant gesture, Ronove took the single rose he had been toying with for the past few minutes…

…and gently threaded it through Battler's hair.

When the demon butler drew his hand back, _somehow_ (i.e. obviously on purpose- just to make everything that little bit _more _awkward) his gloved fingers brushed against one of Battler's flushed cheeks.

"There." He laughed pleasantly. "Now you needn't have any worries about my feelings of affection towards you. I assure you, I do value your company greatly- so much so that I would gladly sacrifice a rose or two for the sake of your pride, pu ku ku~"

Battler trembled slightly with ill-suppressed embarrassment- and, more than that… steadily mounting anger.

T-that d-damn butler, screwing around with his head like that… Aaaaah, he'd probably been ordered by Beato to act as creepy as possible or something, because Ronove was never _this _mean to those cute seven sisters! H-he was actually really nice to them; even when Beelzebub followed him around pestering him for food- a-aargh, t-this wasn't fair, it really wasn't fair, i-it wasn't, it-

It… …

…

H-huh…?

Battler hadn't noticed it before, being too caught up in his own self-righteous anger, but when Battler glanced at that demon butler a second time… he noticed something rather surprising.

Something he hadn't seen before.

Ronove's laughter was usually more constrained than that; a light, teasing chuckle, but strangely formal at the same time- as though he were consciously checking himself so as not to appear too unrefined.

Right now, however…

That laughter seemed a lot more genuine- and far more light-hearted. It was the kind of infectious laughter shared between friends, which was difficult not to get swept up in- ridiculous though it was…

And, as Battler watched Ronove laugh openly like that, he soon found- despite his irritation- his own lips twitching, quite against his will… into a small smile of his own.

Rolling his eyes- either at his own foolishness, or Ronove's behavior, it was difficult to tell which- Battler untangled the red rose from his hair; and, holding it in one hand, absent-mindedly started to tear off the petals, one by one.

At the same time, he spoke; his voice chiding and derisive, and slightly scolding. It was the same tone of voice Virgilia always used to berate Beato for eating too much ice-cream.

"You really are a child, you know that? Teasing me like that… it's so immature."

"Hahaha…~ Ah, I do apologize. Being with you really does bring out the most terrible side of my character~"

"Ihihi… Yeah, I figured. You're never like this with those seven sisters. Aaah, but still… Useless. It's all useless." Battler smiled. "…You know, that whole primary school 'I really like you so I'm going to pull your hair to make you notice me!' flirting thing doesn't really suit a guy like you~ That's only effective when Beato does it.

"Try to be a little nicer to me next time and maaaybe I'll consider your confession a little more seriously, ihihihi~"

This time, it was Ronove's turn to look faintly surprised- his eyes widening just a fraction at Battler's bold, rather irresponsible statement.

Ihihi~ How cute~

It looked like even that demon butler could get flustered from time to time.


	3. The one with cake

**Something sweet as sugar & slightly nonsensical  
><strong>Short o3: The one with cake

* * *

><p>"A-aah? You r-really mean it?"<p>

"Of course I mean it," said Battler, with his best suave smile (i.e. the one he had_ not_ spent hours practising in the bathroom mirror at home so he could emulate at least one third of that old bastard's success with women). "You can have the strawberry. I really don't mind at all."

"B-but the strawberry's the best bit! U-um, for you to give to me so easily, I-I just… I-I…"

"Ihihihi~ It's fine, you silly little stake sister. It's not an engagement ring or anything. It's just a strawberry."

"A-an engagement ring? I-I… um… … h-haoo…"

Battler laughed at the heavy blush spread on Leviathan's face; the red contrasting against her green hair, until she bore an uncanny resemblance to an apple. Battler wondered if she would taste sweet and juicy if he ran his tongue over her skin, too- but, ihihi, he better not do that. It'd be kind of weird.

Those damn big-boobed sisters, with their skimpy outfits, always made his mind wander to strange places.

"Go on, just take it," Battler reiterated. Holding the strawberry, skewed by the prongs of his fork, before her, he said, "I'm used to giving up the last strawberry for my own little sister, so I don't mind something like this. Besides, it's not fair that Beelze stole yours'. That damn stake girl is really annoying."

"I think that sometimes, too… I-it's just… um… W-well, if you're really, really sure?"

Battler's warm smile widened. Was it possible this cute girl was the same stake who had gouged his forehead, leg, chest and stomach over and over- and had even_ cried_ over not getting the best, most vital parts of his body to stake?

Maybe Leviathan wasn't used to kindness. She might have been allergic to it- and that was why her face had gone such a funny color.

It kind of made sense. Her other sisters weren't very nice to her.

Then again, it didn't look like they were nice to anyone, much…

Aaah, when Leviathan was in a state like that, she was very, very adorable. It was worryingly easy to forgive her for the trauma she'd put him through before when she pulled faces like that! When it came to XX chromosomes, Battler really was weak, ihihihi…

Flushing, Leviathan said, voice fragmented, "W-well, if you're sure… T-thank you very much! N-nobody's ever given me anything like this before, so, u-um… … h-hao… T-thank you!"

And with that garbled, babbled thanks, the Stake of Envy plucked the icing-encrusted, ruby-red strawberry from Battler's fork, and popped it into her mouth.

She burst into a cloud of golden butterflies mere moments after, and vanished.

Battler laughed as he watched her leave, dropping his fork to his plate with a light _chnk_ as he did so. That big-boobed sister might have been a sadistic killer, but _damn_, was she cute~

"Pu ku ku… That was a rather kind thing you did for Miss Leviathan."

Unfortunately, Battler had forgotten he wasn't alone. That creepy demon butler was, as always (it was becoming a habit, them spending time together), seated beside him; a small smile on his face.

Battler glared at Ronove sourly, his good mood dispersing somewhat. Picking up the fork once more, he began to prod at the strawberry-less slice of strawberry cake Ronove had cut him earlier- perhaps imagining the piece of cake was Ronove's skin, and he was skewering it for his own entertainment. Heh, that would be kind of entertaining.

"Yeah. I guess it was? It's not like it's a big deal or anything."

"It was still a rather pleasant sight to watch~ Those naughty sisters always bicker and squabble over the silliest of things. I believe having a person such as yourself around would do them some good. Perhaps, if they had a big brother figure to comfort them, they wouldn't have to get so upset all the time. Plus, it might teach them a little about human etiquette, pu ku ku~"

"Ihihi, well- maybe I'm not the best big brother out there," Battler said, still poking at the sugary icing shell of his cake- feeling vaguely embarrassed himself at the compliment. "Given I wasn't around for my own little sister for about four years… … Che. I'm trying to act a little more responsible now, though."

Battler wasn't really sure why he was telling Ronove this. There was just something very… relaxing about the demon butler, loathe as Battler was to admit it. Even though Battler made a show of scowling, glaring and rolling his eyes whenever he had to spend time in the other's company, he didn't truly dislike him- even though his skin did crawl when Ronove got a little too close, or his comments got a little too openly flirtatious.

It was kind of nice having another guy to talk to. Maybe, given their bonding over teasing Beatrice… maybe they could even be considered 'friends', too.

Not that Battler wanted to befriend any demons.

Those seven sisters were different. They were hot, so it was fine being nice to them.

Eh. Something about that logic seemed a little off to Battler, but he didn't really want to question it. Just as he didn't want to question his strange attachment- no, not 'attachment', acquaintance…ship… … with Ronove.

"I believe you're rather responsible as it is," Ronove reassured him, still with that small smile- a little different to the one he wore when he was poking fun at Beatrice. "I'm very grateful that you were able to calm Leviathan down so easily. You might not realize it, but consoling her is rather more difficult than you made it appear to be."

"Haha… Well, maybe my good looks and charm helped a little."

"Perhaps they did. I sincerely hope your casual interactions with her won't lead her to any heartbreak, though… That would be unfortunate."

"It's not my fault if she gets a crush on me, ihihi~ I'm not encouraging it or anything. Heheh, althoooough… Maybe, if she falls in love with me, she won't stake me so hard next time! Aaah, that's a pretty good strategy! Maybe I should try it out with all those seven sisters?~ Aaah, then I'd have my own harem of cute girls… that's be kinda nice~ It'd almost be enough to make me consider demons might be real~ Then again, something that good would have to be a fantasy, ahahaha~"

Ronove laughed lightly. "I don't think Milady would like it if you tried to steal all her furniture, pu ku ku~ And, at any rate… I am not condemning you… but you were being very kind to Miss Leviathan. I really couldn't fault her if she did fall in love with you."

"Ah?" Battler frowned; his good humor melting away, as he looked at Ronove curiously- fork still dug into his cake. "What was that supposed to mean…?"

"Mm… Nothing~"

"It meant something, or you wouldn't have said it."

"My, how astute. Ah, well, it's merely… Hm. I find it rather upsetting how you are so kind to Miss Leviathan… … yet act so distant towards me. That is all."

There was a small pause.

Then, Battler rolled his eyes. "Pfft, there's a reason I'm _not _nice to you, moron. You'd just make fun of me- or twist my words around so it sounded like I was saying something different. I know what you're like."

Ronove's smile didn't waver during these accusations. If anything, it widened slightly- becoming even more mischievous. "Aah, maybe there is some truth in that…"

He inched forwards a little closer to Battler, bringing their shoulders together, so they bumping. The sudden contact made Battler misjudge the amount of force he'd been using to prod the surface of his strawberry cake (sans strawberry). The prongs of his fork went straight through the thick, crisp icing layer on the top- to scrape unpleasantly against the plate underneath with a very loud, very inelegant _ssskkkk__**rrr**__rrr__**rr**__ttt._

It sounded like fingernails sliding across a blackboard- and it was a perfect indication of the sudden panic that had flared inside Battler's brain.

Ronove was trying to mess around with his head again.

A-aah, well… if he was going to do something so childish… then Battler was sure, this time, he wouldn't act like a blushing, stuttering Leviathan.

This time, with the power of cake, he was going to fight back.

"Ah, it's merely quite depressing, you see," Ronove continued; his voice dropping to a soft whisper, as he brought his lips closer to Battler's ear (Battler fought hard not to flinch away). "I did make you that cake- yet I received no thanks… You gave Miss Leviathan your strawberry so easily, but I feel that if I asked for a piece, I would definitely be denied. How cruel… …"

Under normal circumstances, Battler's face would have flared red; he would have choked on his own tongue; and he might have pushed Ronove away, or maybe even punched him in the face- although Ronove would've been expecting sudden violence like that, and so would've caught Battler's first with ease and used it pull them closer together (Ronove had done that before).

Battler knew all that- and so he tried very, very hard to repress his initial instincts to act like a startled rabbit and bolt.

Instead, he forced his disgust into cold, calculated cunning…

And an eerie smile worthy of Beatrice herself spread across his face.

Picking up his fork, a piece of cake speared on the end and the silver prongs smeared with sweet, sticky white icing, he turned to Ronove.

Then, he started to speak. His own voice was equally low as Ronove's- and ever so slightly sensual.

Beatrice might have called Battler 'incompetent', but even she would have been forced to retract that statement if she had heard just how smoothly seductive Battler was able to make his voice sound. He wasn't just some foolish child who spouted awful, cheesy lines from Hollywood movies in his awful, slapdash, spotty English anymore.

Now, Battler was able to be somewhat provocative if he wanted to…

And right now, he did want to.

It was all part of his plan… ihihihi~

"Oh? You want to have a lick of my delicious cake, do you? Is that it?~ Well then… ihihihi… I'm not selfish, okaaay? I'll gladly share what I have with you- you just had to ask first. Here you go~"

And with that, he forced the piece of cake into Ronove's open mouth.

The surprise was evident by the way Ronove's eyes (they really were a captivating shade of blue) widened slightly- both at Battler's voice, his actions… and at the saccharine cake melting across his tongue. When Battler drew the fork out of his mouth, it was devoid of cake- though a few crumbs and flecked of icing remained, lubricated by Ronove's saliva.

Well. There went that fork, then. Battler would have to get a new one to eat the rest of the cake with. He didn't much like the idea of sharing any kisses, indirect or otherwise, with that demon- and solving the great mystery of what exactly Ronove's spit tasted like was not particularly high on his to-do list.

Chances were, it'd just taste the same as the few other kisses Battler had received during his high school years.

Then again… Battler was beginning to doubt his 'kind' gesture just a little nooow~ He'd already given the strawberry to Leviathan, and a now a huge piece of the cake to Ronove. If he continued like that, there wouldn't be any cake left for him- which would be a pity. Despite Battler's many complaints about Ronove as a person, he really couldn't fault his cooking skills.

What to do, what to do?

Ihihihihi… Whaa~aat a wonderful idea~

"Hey," said Battler casually, "I changed my mind. I decided you're not worthy of my cake anymore." (_The cake you made for me, but let's not quibble. It's not like you can anyway, given your mouth's full_~) "I think I'll take it back. Don't mind me, ihihihi~"

And, with that rather eerie laugh, Battler's fingers fisted round Ronove's cravat- pulling the obviously shocked demon butler even closer to him.

Ronove's face…

Aww, it had actually started to get a little bit red? Not enough to be noticeable, unless you were really, really looking, but still… That kind of face was one Battler ne~ver thought he'd see Ronove pull- and the flecks of white icing on his lower lip really didn't help matters, ihihi~ He kind of looked like he'd been caught doing something improper.

Battler leant forwards, at the same time pulling Ronove down closer, fingers tightening round Ronove's captured cravat.

His eyelids fell shut.

His lips pursed, and now they were inches away from Ronove's- and Battler was sure he could smell the sweet scent of that thick icing, or maybe that was his imagination, and he could even hear Ronove's own heartbeat, which was beating just a little faster, wasn't iiit, or maybe that was his own, and-

And… …-

"Like I'd do something like that, _idiot_!"

With a loud, derisive snort of laughter, Battler pushed Ronove away roughly- catching the demon butler quite off guard, so, perhaps the first time in his life, he actually _fell off his chair _and hit the floor.

_Thump_.

There was no mistaking it now.

His face really _was_ red.

His eyes were far wider than normal.

And, when he next spoke… his tone of voice was slightly irregular, uneven- and, if anything… … he truly sounded... genuinely hurt?

Was that real hurt in that voice?

Battler wasn't quite sure- but it was plain to see he wasn't even smiling anymore.

"T-that… that was rather cruel," Ronove said, tongue tripling artlessly over a few of the words in a most unprofessional manner. Now he sounded strangely like Shannon, blushing and stuttering when she couldn't explain to Eva what type of tea she was serving, than Beatrice's competent head furniture. His voice wasn't nearly as feminine as hers'- but it was distinctly unsettled, and filled with embarrassment he was trying to hide (but he still wasn't quite able to).

"And I thought Milady was supposed to be the viscous one. She has never done anything quite like that to me before, though- but… ah, oh my…" Getting to his feet shakily, Ronove continued; "Toying around with my feelings like that really was quite heartless… … ahaha… Maybe I should applaud you for your ingenuity?"

Battler scoffed. "Well, that's what you get for always screwing around with _my _head. I thought I'd do it to you a little in return. Don't try to act all heartbroken- I know you only pretend to like me to creep me out."

"I only pretend?" Ronove echoed. "Well, it's true that, being a demon, it would probably be unwise to trust me, but… when it comes to my feelings towards you… … Hm. A-ahaha, it's no matter… I don't really know what I was hoping for anyway. Hn."

Battler tilted his head to one side, surveying Ronove- now slightly… confused? Was it possible that demon butler, whenever he made those comments about him… was actually serious?

He didn't look like he was joking.

Maybe Ronove was right? Maybe what he had just done really was too cruel to be called a simple prank or a joke. If Ronove had been a cute girl, like one of the stake sisters, Battler would never have messed around with him like that- but, really, Ronove deserved it for being so annoying.

It was all his fault.

And yet… even so… …

"Ah, Battler…"

"What?"

The expression on Ronove's face, which had been that strangely vulnerable mix of genuine shock and disappointment, had faded somewhat- and now, thankfully (Battler wasn't entirely sure why he was thankful) that small, and very familiar smile was alighting on the corners of the demon butler's lips.

It was a comforting smile.

It shouldn't have been, but it still, inexplicably, was.

"It would appear, whilst you were generously giving me a piece of your cake, somebody else decided to take advantage of your distraction and stealthily take the rest for themselves?"

Ronove pointed.

Battler turned, following the direction of Ronove's finger.

Then, his eyes narrowed, and a shadow crossed his face. He gritted his teeth together.

The plate of cake was empty, completely empty- save for a handful of crumbs that wouldn't be enough to feed a baby bird.

Somebody had stolen the rest of his cake.

And by somebody, that of course meant Beelzebub.

A-aah, but the cake wasn't even if the worst of it! W-what if Beelzebub had walked in on them when Battler was… when he was… …

"Yes~ I do wonder what an outsider would make of that earlier scene, don't you?" asked Ronove, laughing. "It must have given Miss Beelzebub quite a shock."

* * *

><p><strong>an: **Putting these two into fluffy scenarios without completely destroying their characterizations is kind of hard ._.;; getting anything like kissing would probably be too much to ask for, ahaha XD  
>I apologize that so many of these oneshots exist, I-I just like writing them together so much, ehehe...~<p>

**~renahhchen xoxo**


	4. The one with oversleeping

**Something sweet as sugar & slightly nonsensical  
><strong>Short o4: The one with oversleeping

* * *

><p>"Pu ku ku~ As pleasant as it is to look upon your half-asleep face, Battler, I fear you really must get out of bed. Milady is keen to recommence the third game."<p>

Battler groaned.

Sure, being awoken gently by Ronove was by far preferable to being cackled at manically by Beato, or getting dog piled by all seven of those noisy sisters at once so it felt like his spine would snap in two, but _still_.

That didn't change the fact that Battler was sleepy.

Watching his family members getting brutally killed was really exhausting- and that, coupled with all the detective-style sleuthing he was doing, whilst trying to push his own emotions aside, was taking a serious toll on him.

The fact he was naturally a lazy teenager, and had always been a lazy teenager, was completely irrelevant, ihihi~

All he knew was that he was tired, his bed was warm, getting out of bed meant being confronted by that annoying witch again and, in the end, it was just a lot, looot simpler to lie there under his blankets and daydream about tits.

Boobs were nice and simple; they didn't try and make him solve creepy murder mysteries and then cackle at him.

Wait… Beato had boobs, didn't she?

Ihihi, whatever, whatever… one day he'd beat her down with some amazing strategy to shatter her illusion (he didn't know what strategy he'd use, exactly, but he was working on it; he was sure it'd be fine), and then he'd, he'd… he'd just his exclusive Ushiromiya Battler breast sommelier attack and grope her death, ihihihi~

It'd be a perfect checkmate~

Aaaah, thinking about stuff like this really was a lot nicer than actually getting up and facing reality~ No wonder there was a huge panic on the news about hikikomoris recently; it was so easy to just lie in bed all day, Battler could've become a shut-in himself.

Eh… well, no, actually- he couldn't. Not unless he was a shut-in with a bunch of pretty girls.

Too bad all the girls in Purgatorio were insane- apart from _possibly _Leviathan or Belphegor; but trying to get close to them was all useless, given Beato had ordered them strictly not to be nice to him.

What a paaaain.

Useless, it was all useleeeeeess, munyamunya… …~

(At that exact moment, the contents of Battler's head were all soft and spongy and pudding-like, and they didn't make all that much sense; not even to himself.?)

"Battler." Ronove's amused voice cut through Battler's hazy thoughts once more; and, though Battler's eyes were closed with his head smushed against his pillow so he couldn't see that butler's face, he was 99% sure Ronove was smiling. "I apologize, but I simply cannot allow you to lie in bed all day- I have orders from Milady I must fulfil."

"Eheh… Noo waaaay…" Battler retorted, words punctuated with a small yawn. "M'not listening. I'm still sleeping, you see?"

"Your breakfast will go cold if you don't eat it soon. I rescued it from Miss Beelzebub's clutches specifically for you; I would be quite hurt if you didn't try it, despite my best efforts to save it for you, pu ku ku~"

"Ihihi… Don't caaare. If that croissant was made by a cute, clumsy maid girl maybe I'd wanna eat it, but if it was created by a… a-a creepy guy like you? I'll pass… U-uwaaah… aaah… Munya munya~"

Ronove laughed softly; placing his fingers under his chin as he pondered.

"Oh dear. It appears I will have to resort to a rather more… impolite method to arouse you, then. And I was hoping I wouldn't have to resort to something so inelegant."

"Pfft. You can try to arouse me all you want, it ain't gonna work. Unless it has breasts, I'm not interested."

"Pu ku ku~ Indeed? Is that so? Then, as I am definitely not your type… I believe I know the perfect way of getting you out of bed."

"Hoh? What is it? Ihihi…" Battler laughed sleepily into his pillow. "Just so you know, demon butler… dragging me out of bed is a real challenge~ Not even demons can defeat the stubborn resolve of a lazy teenager."

"You believe this would be a challenge for me? How interesting~ This promises to be an exhilarating fight."

"Ihihi~ My cute little kid sis used to have to hit me with a full body press and a German double suplex to wake me up in the morning. I bet you can't do something like thaaaat."

"Oh my… Something like that sounds more likely to put you in an early grave more than anything?"

"Yeah. Ange is scarily strong for a six-year-old, ihihi. I wish I was that fierce as a brat- nobody ever would've teased me about my na-aa…" Yawn. "-aame then… …"

"People teased you…?"

"A-aha, well, um… a-aah, um…" Battler made a muffled noise into his pillow.

Urgh. This wasn't good.

In this state of mind, Battler was half-asleep enough to let crucial information about his weak points slip, but half-awake enough to actually get embarrassed once he'd spilt them. A-ahaa, why would he confide something like that to Ronove? Those memories were strictly private- a-and they were really, really embarrassing as well. They ranked up there with the incident on his sixth birthday, when he tripped into his cake in front of everybody and cried.

Not to mention all those times Jessica beat him up.

Aaah, h-he was even going red just thinking about it… …!

It was a good thing that pillow was there to hide his face, because Battler got a feeling that sadistic bastard would get a real kick out of seeing him so flustered.

"Hm… Why would anybody be so cruel to Battler, I wonder?~ If it were me, I would desperately do everything in my power to make you appreciate me... because, interesting name aside, you truly are a very intriguing person. I wouldn't want to upset you… pu ku ku~"

"Ahaha… hahaha… That's such a shameless lie, and you know it. You're always trying to upset me."

"Mm, perhaps- but just a little?~ It's a bad hobby I have… Aah, but I would never try to awake you using insults or violence; not towards Milady's much esteemed opponent. Not without Milady's permission, at least."

"Heh. So then… whatcha gonna do?"

"My plan is simple, yet effective. Ushiromiya Battler." Ronove folded his arms; a clear indication that this meant war. "If you do not get out of bed this instant, I am afraid I will have to make you move with a rather underhanded tactic…"

He smiled; the kind of self-assured smile somebody would wear during a chess game, just before they made a move that would finally corner their opponent's king.

"I'm afraid, I will be forced to get into bed with you."

There was a long silence; a silence which could only be signified as a string of ellipses:

…

…

…

During this spam of ellipses, Ronove looked at Battler.

Battler nuzzled just a little deeper underneath his nice, warm covers.

And then… in an unimaginably determined voice, the complete opposite of the embarrassed yelp Ronove had been expecting… Battler said, "Heh. Go on then. Do your worst."

Ah…

So it looked like the bold move from earlier wasn't checkmate after all? In actual fact, a miraculous comeback like this from Battler- w-was quite difficult to counter at all...

Silence reigned once more; a slightly shorter silence this time, that only needed one string of ellipses.

"...Are you quite certain you don't mind?" Ronove finally asked, voice tinged with a faint air of incredulity.

"No. It's fine. I'm a man of my word, and I'm gonna stand my ground. A cheap trick like that can't even touch me, ihihihi. I'm disappointed, Ronove~"

"Ah, well… if that truly is the case… Hm. I thought you would be more adverse to the idea, given how you seem to despise my company?"

"Oh, I do. I really, really do. But sleeping is a lot more important, munya munya… A-and, eheh…" With a sleepy, half-asleep and only third-awake laugh, Battler slurred almost intelligibly, "I-if I hafta share a bed with _you _to get five seconds' sleep round here, I'd totally do it. That's how strong my resolve is.

"Now, what about you? Are you actually going to go through with your threat? I'm wai~ting~"

"Ah, well, I-"

"You don't wanna? You don't wanna do it? You really don't want to sleep with me, even after you were trying to act all tough? Ihihihi. How pathetic~ What a pathetic man, ihihi~ I'll… I-I'll break you down… an' make you praise my name… an' kiss the tips of my shoooes, ahahaha…~~" Then, Battler paused; scrunching his nose up in distaste. "Not that I want you to do that, I'm not into that stuff. Maybe if you were one of those cute sisters… maybe then, hm… …~ How nice, ihihihyahaha~"

For a few brief seconds, a look of surprise flickered across Ronove's usually impassive face.

Then, very softly, he held a hand to his mouth and started to laugh.

"Pu ku ku~ I see. You really have been spending too much time with Milady, haven't you?"

"Y-you think? Aahaaa… I hate her. And I'm gonna beat her up, then grope her tits~ Ihihi~"

"What a charming sentiment~ I look forward to witnessing your success. Ah, well now, though… In regards to this situation… It's true I did threaten you- and so perhaps it would reflect badly on my status, as an Earl of Hell, if I were to back down on it. Moreover, a gentleman never breaks a promise, so… pu ku ku~ Well, I wouldn't want to disappoint you. Would you please move to one side, Battler?"

"Eh? Aah, sure thing."

And, with a small yawn and a shrug (obviously, Battler wasn't thinking about this as much as he should've been), he obligingly moved to one side…

…only to let Ronove slide into bed beside him.

* * *

><p>"R-ronove? Battler…? W-what… what's going on?"<p>

Lucifer's face turned bright red.

She stared.

She stared so hard the image burnt itself into her brain.

Ronove was… in Battler's bed… … a-and, even more strangely, the half-dressed redhead was fast asleep… and he was actually u-using Ronove as some kind of pillow?

H-how did something like that happen?

H-how?

K-kyaaaa… …!

S-she'd only been sent by Beatrice to wake Battler up; s-she hadn't expected to find a scene like this, i-it looked like something straight from those weird comics Milady liked to read so much! I-it looked _exactly _like one of those weird scenes, except the two men weren't enclosed by a border of roses!

W-what the hell?

"Ah… Hello, Miss Lucifer," said Ronove cordially, without the slightest hint of shame. "Do forgive this rather... unusual position we're in. This is merely the outcome of a fight, of sorts."

Lucifer tilted her head to one side. "A-a fight?"

Maybe she'd been doing it wrong all these years, but none of the fights she'd ever been involved in ended in scenes like that. Whenever Lucifer fought, a human ended up dead with a hole in their head- n-not something like this; certainly nothing like this… …!

"Yes." Ronove laughed. "It appears I misjudged the resolve a stubborn, sleeping teenager can possess ever so slightly… … pu ku ku~"

Meanwhile, Ushiromiya Battler- fast asleep, lost in his own little dream land- nuzzled his head into Ronove's side, and muttered something completely incomprehensible about Golden witches and tits.


	5. The one with crushes

**Something sweet as sugar & slightly nonsensical  
><strong>Short 5: The one with crushes

* * *

><p>"H-hey, give that back!"<p>

"Ahahaha!~ _Nooooo way_!"

"G-gaap! I'm asking politely, so please, return my knitting! I-I was working very hard on it- if you keep throwing it through your portals it'll fall apart!"

"Aahahahaha!~ Lia, Lia, Liaaa~ If it was thaaat easy to get what you want by asking politely, murder mysteries wouldn't exist, now, would they?"

"A-are you saying you want me to murder you? I would never lose my cool like that over something this trivial! I don't really want to get into a fight…"

"Ha!~ How dull!~ Life would be a lot, _looot _more boring if everybody was nice! Ahahaha!"

Cackling maliciously, Gaap threw Lia's half-finished, half-knitted stuffed toy she'd been making for her cute disciple into yet another portal mere moments before Virgilia's fingers brushed it. Virgilia was getting so worked by this point it was a wonder she wasn't tearing her hair out. Her trademark head-eating hat had actually fallen from her head and, wonder of wonders, she hadn't even bothered to pick it up. Lia looked strangely vulnerable without that hat, Gaap mused- almost like she was naked or something.

Aaaah, with that cute flushed face, disordered hair and those pouty lips, Lia was really, really, reaaaally cute, ahahaha~ If Lia didn't want Gaap to tease her so much, then maybe she shouldn't have been so gosh darned adorable! Kyakyakya~

"Gaap, please! It was a toy I was making for Beatrice's birthday! She was really looking forward to it! Don't play this kind of mean-spirited prank on me now- if not for my sake, then for Beatrice's!"

There was a light _tup _as the distinctly worse for wear woollen toy was deposited out of the ceiling and into Gaap's waiting hands.

"Hm~ But, Liaaaa, you don't understand!" she said, turning the toy about, "I like seeing you like this! I'm such Riiche would have a lot of fun seeing how flustered her smart, sensible Teacher can be as well! Ahahahahaha- ha… ha… …?"

But Gaap's fun proved to be rather short-lived.

Somebody had just come up behind her- and, quite simply, plucked the woollen toy out of her manicured fingers.

It wasn't Virgilia. Lia, who claimed to be sooo sophisticated, was still standing in front of Gaap, hands held at her chest imploringly, face fraught with worry.

The person who had put a premature end to Gaap's fun was…

"Ronove?"

Ronove smiled at Gaap's incredulous greeting and inclined his head politely in her direction. Then, he handed the toy back to Virgilia.

The look of gratitude in Virgilia's face was sickening.

"A-aah, um… Thank you very much… … T-this was something I could have handled myself, but…"

And then Virgilia's hands went to her head- and she realized, in a matter of seconds, that she was missing her hat.

Suddenly, she turned red; fingers fisting in her long strands of silken silver hair.

Even though Gaap was a liii~iiittle peeved Ronove had been a huge killjoy, she couldn't help but giggle at the cute expression on Virgilia's face. Honestly; she was acting like Ronove had caught her in her nightgown or something. Not that Virgilia's nightgown was all that revealing or anything (Gaap knew, she had seeeeen. She had her ways, ufufu~). Virgilia's pajamas were more demure than Gaap's casual clothes, for crying out loud.

Virgilia was just kind of weird about traditions. She was definitely the kind of girl who believed in looking prim and proper at all times, with her ankles covered up, and hoop skirts, etc, etc. She even did _knitting _for _fun_, and cross stitch.

Aaah, Lia was so out-dated it was really sweet~

Hm…

Gaap pouted.

That was probably why Lia got so embarrassed when she was with her. They really were polar opposites. Lia had a lot, lot more in common with Ronove.

That was why they always looked so close.

That was why Virgilia never got angry with _him_.

That was why, when Ronove retrieved her fallen hat and returned it to Virgilia, her face flushed with thanks, and she accepted it gratefully, with one of those small and very sincere smiles she never, ever gave Gaap.

Urgh.

Stupid Ronove, stealing her Virgilia.

But, at least, Gaap thought with a cat-like grin, she got to see the really adorable, exposed, and ever so slightly more truthful side of Virgilia than Ronove ever diiiid~

Later, when Virgilia was happily knitting Beatrice's birthday present once more, that sleepy smile on her face, Gaap and Ronove found themselves talking quietly, out of Virgilia's earshot; both sipping cups of tea.

"Forgive me for criticizing you, Miss Gaap, but…"

Gaap rolled her eyes. "Buuut you're going to criticize me anyway, right?"

Ronove laughed softly at this. "My, how astute. Yes, I suppose I might… Ah, but I do not wish to sound rude; rather, I am merely speaking with a certain person's best interests at heart. I hope you don't take offence."

"Is this about Lia?"

"Mm… Well. Sometimes, I feel… taking the incident that occurred earlier today into account, for instance, that you are rather too cruel to Miss Virgilia? I understand that you have a rather close relationship, and I am sure you didn't intend to upset her, but… On occasions, I feel you might take your teasing slightly too far?"

There was a small pause.

Gaap stared down at her rippling reflection in her teacup, amused at how her blonde corkscrew curls were too large to fully fit inside the frame made by the circular rim of the willow patterned cup.

Then, she smirked… and she lifted head- blonde curls bouncing.

The devilish grin she typically reserved for Virgilia shone across her face.

"Oh, Ronove~ My poor, poor, misguided friend~ Ufufufu~"

Ronove returned these words with a slightly bemused smile. "What exactly do you mean by that?"

"I mean…" Giggle, giggle. "I tease Lia like this because I _like _her, okay?~ I really, really like her. Liiike… I want to get her attention aaaall the time, all to myself~ If I bully her a little, then she certainly won't be able to forget about me! I don't want Lia to forget about me… So I'm going to do my best to ensure I'm always in her thoughts!~ Ahahaha!~"

"Ah… but I feel being that cruel to another person would only turn them against you…?"

Gaap snorted.

Clapping Ronove on the back, blonde curls still happily bounce-bounce-bouncing, she said, "Aaah, I guess this is something you _really _don't understand~ Hehe. For a smart person, you can be kind of dense sometimes, you know?~ My kind of childish flirting might be a little too confusing for a person like you, ahaha~ But, don't worry…

"I'm sure, when you find somebody you really, really, _really_ like, then you'll understand what I mean~"

* * *

><p>"Hey, t-that's not funny! I was <em>reading <em>that! Give it back!"

"Oh, I _do_ apologize. I was merely so interested in the small fragments of this story I happened to see over your shoulder I had to take a look for myself. I believe I've read this book before, so I had to read it myself to verify my suspicions. I hope my behavior isn't too rude or too forward?"

Ushiromiya Battler glared up at Ronove, eyes narrowed into slits, just like a cat whose tail had been stepped on. He was so visibly frustrated even his red hair seemed a little spikier than usual in his defiance.

Sharply, he said, "O-of course stealing my things without my permission is rude! This is, like, the kind of thing _primary school children _do to each other! Like, there was one girl in my class who kept stealing my pencil case… Aaargh, that really pissed me off!"

Ronove laughed. "That must have been quite traumatic. Have I awoken the memories of some deep childhood embarrassment in your tender heart, Battler?"

"Gah. S-shut up! T-this… This isn't about that!"

"…Articulately put."

"Shut the hell up! Now you're even making fun of the way I talk? This is so frickin' stupid- you'll be pulling my hair next!"

"Hm, well… I have pondered it, but I don't think even I would be shameless enough to go that far? Pu ku ku~"

"Whatever! Something like _this _is really, really immature, even for you!"

"But you've told me in the past you find my attempts at pleasant conversation irritating? I'm merely trying to change the manner of how we bond slightly, pu ku ku~"

"T-this isn't bonding, this is you being an annoying bastard! Aaaah, now I kind of miss those sarcastic comments of yours'- at least I could just ignore those! Damn! Why the hell do you have to be a few inches taller than me?"

Ronove only laughed, Battler's book held in his hand, as the aggravated teen attempted (unsuccessfully) to steal it back. Battler looked a little flustered at having to get so close to another man, especially one who constantly flirted with him, just to retrieve his book- but Battler had some strange sense of duty to fight for what he wanted at all costs, even if it meant putting himself in awkward situations.

Wasn't that kind of temperament called being 'hot-blooded'?

Or maybe it was just being stubborn.

Perhaps there wasn't that much difference between the two.

It made Battler rather amusing to tease, though.

Ronove had to admit… there was something strangely satisfying about seeing Battler get riled up. It was so fun much fun even a person like himself, who typically tried to act calm and composed… really couldn't help lapsing into a more immature frame of mind from time to time.

This… really was entertaining, though…~

Hadn't Gaap said something about this quite a while ago? At the time, Ronove hadn't really understood the meaning behind her words… but now, as he looked down at Battler's angry expression, he thought… maybe he did.

Maybe he finally understood what Gaap had meant.

"_I tease Lia like this because I _like_ her, okay?~ I really, really like her."_

Hahaha…

Battler had been right.

In this kind of situation, Ronove knew he was really was no better than a young child trying to get the attention of their crush by pulling their hair.

_"I'm sure, when you find somebody you really, really, really like, then you'll understand what I mean~"_

Well... it was better late than never, wasn't it? Pu ku ku...~

"_Thank you_," said Battler sarcastically, once Ronove finally relented and handed him back his book. "Now I can _finally _finish this without you bugging me."

"I wasn't trying to irritate you," Ronove lied blatantly, with a small smile. "I merely wanted to spend some time with you."

Well… the last part was true enough. That didn't make the earlier lie quite so shameless, did it?

Battler looked Ronove up and down sceptically for a few moments, book clutched protectively to his chest; no doubt paranoid Ronove, or maybe one of the annoying big-boobed sisters, would try to steal it right back from him again. He had good cause to be paranoid, given Beelzebub was renowned for stealing food from people's mouths whilst they were trying to eat. She'd never tried to steal books and devor those, but there was always a first time.

Once, she had downed a whole bottle of Lucifer's strawberry-scented shampoo…

Oh, but Ronove was getting slightly off topic.

Back to Battler~

Battler was still scowling- and the expression was so… strangely cute that Ronove couldn't help but smile, even though he was sure it would only irritate Battler even more. He couldn't help himself.

But… Ronove was wrong.

It didn't make Battler angrier.

When the young teen's eyes met Ronove's, and he saw how oddly sincere that smile was… Battler's foul mood evaporated somewhat (not _completely_, he wasn't that much of a pushover; just a little, tiny, microscopic bit), and… he found himself, ever so hesitantly, without his minds' proper control over his mouth… smiling back.

It was a very small smile, but it was a smile none the less.

That was impossible to deny. If he'd been asked to say 'I'm not smiling' in red, it would have been impossible for him to repeat. Not without experiencing that sharp, stabbing pain his stomach.

"…Ah, fine, fine," he finally said, slightly distractedly. "If you're going to be so _insistent _about being annoying, then at least you could do it whilst making me a cup of tea. You're not completely aggravating when you're doing something useful."

Ronove bowed his head in assent, unable to curb his own foolish happiness at Battler's response.

"Certainly. I will do that at once."

"Oh, and… ihihi…" Now scratching his cheek awkwardly with one finger, Battler looked down at the floor, and scuffed his feet… and muttered, "Heh… Well. You said you've read this book before?"

"I believe I have."

"Well then… um… If you're going to the trouble of making me some tea, you could at least stay and have a cup yourself- and maybe we could talk about this book together? The detective is just going to reveal the culprit, and I want to see if I've managed to guess it right first, ihihi~ If I have, I'll have somebody I can boast about it too… if you stay… eheh."

"Oh? Why not do such a thing with Milady? I'm sure she would enjoy bouncing ideas back and forth with you- and I do believe this particular story is one of Milady's favorites?"

Battler pretended to shudder. "What, and watch my discussion about literature turn into another _fun _game proving my incompetence? Aaah, _no thank you_! Beato is _waaay_ too good at solving stories like this. Whenever I talk about mystery novels with her, she always makes me feel like an idiot- and then she starts cackling about how stupid I am! It's no good for my pride, you know? I think you're a little kinder than that. Kind of?"

"Mm, I do understand. That sounds exactly like Milady. Well then… if you really wish to have a polite conversation with me, I really would be flattered… Thank you very much."

Battler laughed softly, tuning his head away; book still held to his chest.

"Heh. Don't thank me for talking to you. Thaa~aat sounds a liii~iittle too needy."

"I wasn't aware it was… …?"

"Well, it kiiiind of is."

Battler smirked, his confidence restored somewhat, as he saw what impact his own words were having on that demon butler. With Ronove, it was always hard to tell when comments had hit their mark or not, given he wore that indiscernible smile… but Battler was pretty sure he'd managed to catch Ronove out there, even if it didn't show on his face.

Ronove wasn't the only one who could bully people.

So it was, with a languid smirk, that Battler said oh-so-casually, "And the next time you want me to pay attention to you, please don't steal my stuff. Just be your usual 'charming' self, and I'm sure you'll get the message across."

Ronove tilted his head to one side slightly in confusion. "Message? What message?"

"'I really, really like you, w-will you hurry up and notice how I feel so I don't have to state my emotions plainly and embarrass myself.'" And, with a dramatic gesture, Battler stabbed the index finger of his free hand at Ronove. "_That's the message_. That's what you want to say really, riiight? Don't deny it, I can see the truth written on your faaaace, ihihihi~ I didn't play that hellish detective game with Beato for nothing- I'm pretty good at spotting small details now! Ihihihi!~"

Aaah…

By now, there was really no point trying to deny it at all…

"… …Ha. I think you might be right. Regardless of what Milady says, you really are a very competent detective."

Despite his small smile, Ronove truly was getting slightly flustered.

That was probably why Battler started to laugh at him.

Yes… somehow, this situation really had been turned around, hadn't it? In the end, it wasn't that much like Gaap and Virgilia's relationship at all.

Then again, it was always far, far more rewarding when Battler started to argue back at him. Conversations like this… really were fun.

And maybe, because Battler always felt like returning Ronove's comments with mocking ones of his own… that showed that Battler cared. And maybe he found these kinds of pointless arguments fun, too. After all, he was smiling…

"Ihihi~ Look, you've gone all quiet now- and you were so lively just moments before~ You truly can't handle being mocked in return, just a little?" Battler laughed, and gently prodded in the side. "You really are useless."

Ronove smiled falteringly, directing his gaze at the floor.

"…Well. That's not quite true. I'm only this useless around you."

"Huh?" Battler frowned. "What was that?"

"Oh… Nothing, really~ Pu ku ku~"

* * *

><p><strong>an: **because ridiculously kawaii ronove with a silly one-sided crush is my favorite kind of ronove o / o  
>people have been hating on my adorable otp ;_; i-i need to cure my shattered soul by bathing it in cute.<br>don't mind me~  
>*sobs in corner*<p>

**~renahhchen xoxo**


	6. The one with kissing

**Something sweet as sugar & slightly nonsensical**  
>Short o6: The one with kissing<p>

* * *

><p>"Mm, this looks pretty tasty~ Thank you!"<p>

"You don't need to thank me," said Ronove smoothly, with his usual smile. "Being a butler, it is my job to cater to the needs of others. It's hardly something I need praise for."

"Heh. Well, when you phrase it like that... ihihi~" Battler laughed sheepishly, running a hand through his messy red spikes. "Still. This is pretty nice, having my own butler- and a demon one, no less! It's kind of like something from an anime, huh?"

"I wouldn't know. I confess, I haven't seen many shows like that... and the few I have are mainly of the magical girl variety. Elegant demons such as myself are rarely presented- although I suppose a change of pace would be nice... pu ku ku~"

"Oo~ooh?~" Battler raised a brow at this; a teasing smirk on his face. "Magical girls, hu~uh?~ You like those shows with the really, really little loli girls, in those short ski~irts with pigtails? Ihihihi! Have I discovered something really, really interesting about your character?~ Ihihihi!"

Ronove, rather than becoming flustered, merely laughed and shook his head.

Tch. Somehow, he was able to look pretty... cool... doing that.

How could a guy who baked such delicious cakes and cookies, in a light pink apron no less, be able to look so calm and dignified all of the time? He bled rose petals, for crying out loud- that was hardly super awesome or emasculating! But, even so... Battler had to admit, as far as demons went... Ronove was pretty, hngh... heh.

'Cool'.

Kinda.

Sorta.

Just a little.

Even though Battler hated admitting it.

"It is not as though I, personally, watch those shows for my own entertainment. They are Miss Asmodeus' favorite thing to watch- and I know Miss Lucifer and the other sisters enjoy them as well, even if they claim they're childish... I believe Milady also has a soft spot for them as well."

"Hm? Beato likes that cute magical girl stuff?" asked Battler curiously. "Heh~ Like Card Master Sakura?"

"Is that the one where the young girl has the lion companion, and she regularly changes outfits?"

"That's right, that's right!" said Battler, laughing. "Heheh- I used to watch it with Ange a lot~ It was a nice distraction from doing homework, anyway…~ I can't believe a woman like Beato would be interested in such stuff, though? That's pretty funny… ihihi!~"

"Oh yes. Milady has a soft spot for sweet tales that involve magic and happy endings; but perhaps that is understandable… She may be 1,000 years old, but she has still retained a very pure, child-like heart. That is something admirable. Please don't mock her for it."

"Heh…~ W~eeell, I'll try not to~ Heh. I know." Battler grinned. "I'll just make fun of you instead?"

"Mm, that sounds like a splendid arrangement. I do adore our playful conversation~ But, as I said- I wasn't watching those shows for my own pleasure. Those seven noisy sisters like them. So, given they like to see those shows together, there's a good chance fights will break out- and of course, somebody needs to mediate."

"Oh, I see, I see..." Battler slumped his shoulders, pretending to sigh dejectedly. "So you don't have a secret loli fetish after all, hmm?"

"I'm afraid not. Why?" Ronove grinned. "Were you hoping we would have something in common?"

"E-eh? W-what's this? I-ihihi… hihi…"

Laughing awkwardly, Battler held his hands up before his face as though trying to defend himself. If he'd been an anime character, like those cute girls in their pink frilly skirts the seven sisters seemed to idolize (heh, that was so~o cute? Magical Girl Luci of the Seven Stakes? He'd have to tease her about that at some point! ...Preferably whilst wearing chain mail, to minimize the damages), then a large, cartoon-ish drop of sweat would've run down the side of his head.

"W-what are you talking about? What a mean accusation to make! I only like bouncy girls, you know? Girls like Beato! I-I can't be a lolicon, I have a little sister; even a pervert's got to have some limits!"

"I see. Then, please forgive me for making an incorrect assumption," said Ronove coolly (guh), with a bow of his head. "However... pu ku ku~ I still remember what 'interesting' changes you made to Lady Eva-Beatrice's dress when you first became the Game Master..."

"G-gyaaah! That was just a joke, okay? A joke!"

"A joke that heartlessly and thoughtlessly trampled upon the purity of a delicate young lady, as I do recall... Yes. Truly an... amusing joke. I admire you for your ingenuity~ Pu ku ku~"

"Aaah! Stop talking to me like that!" Battler snapped childishly, folding his arms. "I-I already apologized for that! Geez! And don't you try to pretend you have some form of moral high ground here; your jokes are in even worse taste than mine!"

"Pu ku ku...~ And what exactly could you mean by that?~"

Battler rolled his eyes. "Hm. Oh, I don't know. I wonder."

"I really don't know. I'm a gentleman; and, above all, a butler to yourself and Milady. I'm a respectable demon- I would never do any~thing crude or in bad taste, that goes without saying~ Pu ku ku," said Ronove 'innocently'- though his mischievous smile completely counteracted any sincerity that might have been in those words.

That tone of voice was so sugary sweet it was starting to put Battler off his delicious-looking slice of strawberry cake.

Bleh.

Seriously, that guy liked to act oh-so elegant and charming- but deep down inside, he was just a little kid who liked to bully him to get a response, wasn't he? He really was a brat! And... ... h-he never even acted like this around anybody else, either! It was only him. Sure, Ronove teased Beato too- but that was a different kind of teasing!

Maybe Battler should've felt flattered by this 'special attention'- b-but really, it was just a huge pain in the ass to deal with!

W-which was why Battler kept talking to that guy all the time, even though he didn't have to.

Which was why Battler genuinely found Ronove's company... kind of amusing- and sometimes, the outrageous things he said with a perfectly straight face made him laugh.

Which was why Battler was slowly, hesitantly, beginning to view that creepy butler... ... m-maybe as something a bit more than that.

Maybe, even... as some kind of friend.

Well, Battler had always had a strange affinity for people who made his life miserable. Must've stemmed from having a dad like that old bastard. If the person closest to you was a huge asshole, it stood to reason you'd naturally gravitate towards people like that naturally in later life, right? R-right?

I-it wasn't like he was a masochist or anything…!

Ihihihi...

Aaah, shit- n-now Ronove was getting too close again; smiling that disconcerting smile that made Battler's skin crawl; and, aaah, what the hell, was this the price he had to pay just to get that annoying man to make him a slice of cake?

What the heeeeell?

"Heh... aha... Y-you know what you're doing," said Battler, inching away in his chair slightly (it might have been a very childish reaction, but the first thought that instantly ran through Battler's mind was 'eeew, I don't want you sharing my air!'). "You're... being annoying right now. C-cut it out."

Ronove replied instantaneously, still smiling. "I don't want to~ I'm having fun."

"You have a twisted concept of 'fun'..."

"Just as you were so cruel to poor Lady Eva-Beatrice when you abused your powers to shorten the length of her skirt, hm~mm...? Or how you bullied and abused Miss Lucifer? But you were enjoying yourself...~ I think your concept of 'fun' is slightly twisted too, pu ku ku~"

"Ahaha... ahaha... T-that was a long time ago," Battler muttered; backing away from Ronove. "Beato already beat me up for that! I-I couldn't walk properly for days, and it took me two weeks to find the tip of my little finger! G-geez. I learnt my lesson, okay? You don't need to try and hammer it home, too! J-just let me eat my cake in peace now!"

"Mm, certainly. You can eat your cake, that I prepared with my own fair hands, whenever you like."

"No, I meant..." Battler clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, scowling. "I want to eat my cake without your face in my face. I want to feast on this delicious sugary sweet dessert- nooot that lovesick in your eyes when you stare at me, al~right? I know I'm a popular guy, and I get a loo~oot of people might like me, but I have a wife, you know? It's not like you have a chance!"

"Hm?" Ronove tilted his head to one side, apparently in confusion. "I'm… lovesick? And... whatever gave you that idea?"

"The way you act. The way you're _you_. Trying to get too close; always teasing me; that… that look on your face. Heh. Right now, you're even trying to turn me into a better person by picking on me about that Game Master stuff! Ihihi~ Isn't that what people do when they're in love? They try to fix the flaws in a person they liii~iiike?~" Battler forced a bold smile; lifting one finger as he made a point. "And really, being adored like this is kind of nice- but I'd rather you were a cute girl, okay? Don't get offended- that's just ho~ow it is. So this situation would never work, a-and maybe you shou-mmm... ...?"

And then a soft, warm sensation suddenly enveloped Battler's lips- rendering him completely speechless.

Quite literally.

It was difficult to keep talking when he was being kissed like that.

Battler's eyes shot open in surprise, shock and horror- whilst his heart constricted painfully in his chest, and his stomach seemed to clench itself in a tight ball. It felt like one of Lady Lambdadelta's black holes had opened up inside his body, sucking in all his internal organs. Meanwhile, a million thoughts ran through his head (well, maybe not) like an explosion of coloful kompeito candy.

Candy of confusion.

These scattered thoughts went a little like…

_Huh. Kissing Ronove isn't that unlike kissing Beato. It's not like it feels any different. I mean, apart from that mustache… I-it's still, like, lips and mouths and stuff._

_He's... not as graceless or demanding as Beato, either._

_Heh. Maybe that's how 'gentlemen' kiss, then. Not that I'd know- it's not like I go around kissing guys; a-and who else do I know who's a 'gentleman' anyway? G-genji? Aaaah, no thank you! I'd rather kiss Kumasawa!_

_H-he... um…_

_Ronove… probably should have asked for my permission first, though... ... ..._

_S-so this isn't really what a gentleman would do… ihihihi…_

_T-then again, I always knew that bastard wasn't one._

Ronove broke the sudden kiss as quickly as it had started; terminating it so fast, and with so little... 'action', other than the basic brushing of lips against lips, that Battler kind of doubted whether something that soft and that chaste could even be called a 'kiss' at all. It wasn't like his mouth had been open or anything. N-not that he wanted it to be! Not that he wanted this at all! I-it was just, um...

Aaah...

...

It was with a great effort that Battler said, his whole face flushed red, "W-what... ... w-what the hell was that?"

Ronove smiled, gently tracing his own lower lip with one gloved fingertip.

"Pu ku ku~ Nothing... I was merely trying to be polite and prove your previous assessment of my character correct, that's all. People like being told they're right, don't they? So… in a rather unorthodox manner, I'll admit… I was only trying to agree with you. You said I was... lovesick... I believe?"

Battler's face turned dark red. Clenching his hands into fists, he said, spluttering in embarrassment and indignation, "B-but... but... I-I wasn't even being serious!"

"Hmn~ Well." A soft laugh. "Maybe, on an... admittedly rare occasion... ...

"Maybe… I was… …?"

* * *

><p><strong>an: **Let me just write cute stuff about these two forever and ever please ;_;


	7. The one with jealousy

**Something sweet as sugar & slightly nonsensical**  
>Short o7: The one with jealousy<p>

* * *

><p>"I-it's not fair… I-it's really not fair…! W-why are they all so mean to me? U-uwaah… …"<p>

_Snivel, hic._

"I understand, but you shouldn't get so upset about it. I'm sure your sisters don't truly mean it."

"B-but t-they always call me things like that, t-they always… t-they just… I… I-I'm not ugly- t-they say I am, b-but… but I'm not… …! U-uu… uu…"

Leviathan sniffed and hiccoughed miserably; tears running down her flushed face quicker than she could wipe them away. Her attempts to retain a little dignity were useless. It seemed like that mean nickname her sisters threw at her all the time, 'cry baby', really was true.

Leviathan had never been very good at hiding her emotions.

"U-uwaah… aah… I-I'm not ugly… … I-I hate being teased this much… _I-I really hate it!_"

Unlike some of her other sisters, Leviathan was not a particularly ambitious or manipulative person- and, sadly, neither was she all that intelligent. She was a fairly simple, ordinary girl who derived joy from the simple things in life, such as teasing Battler, or curling up under her duvet on cold mornings, or cooking. Maybe you could have called an easy-going nature like that 'lazy'; but it wasn't really. She just lived at her own pace.

Her other sisters weren't like that. They were all hard workers- and those who weren't (such as Beelzebub and Mammon) were cunning and crafty to make up for it.

They were all desperate to prove how much better than each other they were.

Leviathan always felt like the odd sister out in that regard- and that made her feel so jealous. She was jealous… because she wasn't like the others. Her personality didn't match up.

So she was always left out.

She was the one who was teased the most, because she was an easy target.

Her sisters called her stupid.

Weak.

A liability.

A cry baby.

And… she hated it…

S-she really, really hated it… …

"U-uu… uu… haa… I-it's… it's not fair… … It's not…"

By this point, Leviathan's tears had started to dry up. It wasn't as if she had recovered from her sadness. It was more like, she had been crying for so long she had exhausted whatever moisture she might have been able to force out of the corners of her eyes. She was still just as miserable as before, but now she had no way to express that misery.

She continued to tremble, and hiccup, and sniffle miserably, making small snuffling noises like a rabbit burrowing into a heap of sawdust. Her nose was running, hair sticking to her wet cheeks, and her eyes were red, puffy and swollen from crying inelegantly for so long.

"Uu-uwaah… haa… _h-haa_…"

Ronove looked at her with concern for a few moments.

The tiny girl was shivering before him, continuing to weep, and completely unable to stop herself. She was pouring her heart out to him, most likely, because he was the first person she had stumbled across during her quest to eat as much comfort food from the kitchen as possible, and she just wanted somebody to talk to.

Well… he would definitely try to cheer her up.

It would be unforgivable if he left a person to cry like that.

Ronove smiled softly.

"Uu… u-uwaaah… …?"

And he pulled her into a tight hug.

"H-haau…? R-ronove…?"

Leviathan's face turned bright red.

She couldn't remember being hugged like this before; n-not useless her sisters were in high spirits- then, occasionally, they all crowded together in slightly awkward, but still incredibly sweet group hugs… but that was very, very rare.

It'd been a while since she'd had a hug like this.

And, even if it was only Ronove… it was still nice, and warm, and- ahaha… h-he really was quite a bit taller than her, wasn't he? All of a sudden, she felt very, very short.

S-stupid demon butler, stealing all her height…

That was something else to be jealous over.

"It's a shame that your sisters are so cruel to you… but I am sure they don't mean what they say. They can be quite amicable girls by themselves; although it seems, together… well, maybe they inspire one another to be naughty. But I'm sure they don't hate you. After all, you're a very charming girl. And there's little about you to hate."

"Y-you… … y-you really think so…?"

"Absolutely." Ronove laughed gently. "Would a gentleman ever tell a lie to a fair lady such as yourself?"

"Ahaha… u-um… W-well, I guess not…"

"Then that's all there is to the matter, pu ku ku~"

Leviathan smiled nervously- the expression flickering across her face tentatively, as though her smile was shy, and unsure whether it wanted to take center stage on her face or not.

After a while, however, her genuine feelings of happiness won out.

There was a warm, soft feeling inside her chest- and her face was steadily getting pinker and pinker.

At first, Leviathan's back had been poker straight from surprise, and she had resisted the hug purely out of shock. The longer he held her like this, however… the more she started to grow accustomed to it.

And the more she realized just how nice it felt.

When she made that realization, and her brain slowly connected all the dots, like some kind of puzzle game…

Well, the obvious conclusion appeared to be resting her head against his chest and returning the hug. She wrapped her arms round Ronove's middle like he was a stuffed toy; just like the ones she cuddled when she went to sleep at night (i-it was a little embarrassing she had such a childish habit, but it was fine so long as none of her sisters found out, right?)

"T-thank you for being so friendly… Um, and I… Well… …" Shyly, she looked down at the floor; face flushing. "You're so nice… w-when you're not making fun of people, ahaha… t-that… w-well… I-I don't know why you'd bother taking care of me… w-when you could be, I-I don't know… a-actually with somebody you like?"

"Hm, yes… it is a mystery~ Although, there is one slight problem with that statement."

"What…?"

"For it to be true, it would have to imply that I dislike you- and that's simply not the case. Pu ku ku~"

"H-haau… u-um… … m-muu… I-I... a-ahahahaha…"

"And, if it will make you feel better… I will also gladly confide that, occasionally, I also feel upset from time to time. So you're hardly the only one."

"E-eh…? E-even you? Y-you feel that way as well?" Leviathan squeaked in awe; her eyes widening with surprise.

Ronove smiled. "Mmhmm. Particularly when I see Battler getting along so well with Milady~ And so I am fated to be forever spurned by the person of my affections~ It's quite sad, pu ku ku~"

Leviathan blinked up at Ronove in confusion for a few moments, her lips parted- ready to say something comforting (she didn't know what), like 'that's terrible…?', or words to that effect.

And then, when she stared at Ronove, her head tipped back… she saw that signature teasing smile on his face… …

And he was grinning.

Urgh…

Leviathan scowled.

No, that wasn't it.

She was downright _pouting._

"H-hey!" she snapped, "I can't believe I nearly fell for that! Stop trying to make me sympathize with you over a relationship issue that isn't even an issue or a real thing! Stop making fun of me! I'm _not stupid_!"

"Of course not you're not~" said Ronove, voice mischievous, "I was only trying to cheer you up. Please don't think of it too much- only about 20% of my speech is serious anyway… You should know that by now. I suppose you and Battler do have some things in common; that naïveté being one of them… That's why you're both fun to talk to. Pu ku ku…~"

Leviathan snorted and stuck her nose up in the air huffily- pushing herself out of Ronove's embrace. She kind of missed the warmth, and regretted the action the moment she did it, but she couldn't back down. She had a front she needed to keep up, as a proud Sister of Purgatory!

"Humph! Well, I still think making a girl worry like that is mean! You're really mean!"

"What happened to being 'nice'?"

"H-hm… haau, you're both at the same time- just like sweet and sour sauce! D-don't ask me to explain it! I-idiot…"

Leviathan continued to glare at the floor for a few moments, her red face a contrast against her green hair as she sulked.

H-honestly- why did she always fall for it when people played tricks on her? Gaap did the same thing sometimes, and once Beatrice had tricked her into consuming that cup of balsamic vinegar…

Not to mention the things all her sisters did…

I-it was really annoying. Just because she was trusting, it didn't make her stupid, did it?

Well… maybe, given the company she kept, she should have been a little more suspicious of their motives- but, even so!

Leviathan sighed.

And then…

She stopped.

And she started to think.

If Ronove was going to tease her, she should just stop being upset… and try to play along with it. That was definitely the smart thing to do.

It sounded like more fun than being upset, too…~

"Okay, that's fine," she said, flipping her hair over one shoulder elegantly. "You can take Battler, if you really want. But if you do, I get to have Kyrie aaaaall to myself!~ She'll be my mentor in envy, and my friend, and I'll play with her forever and ever, until she turns to ashes!~ Yes, that sounds like fun- that sounds like lots of fun!~ Ahahahaha~ I'm not an ambitious girl, but when I want something, I'll always get it, no matter how many humans or demons I have to stake to death! Gyahahahaihihi~ How does that arrangement sound?~ If I help you with Baaaattler, you need to help me with my lovely and wonderful Kyrie, okay? Okay? Ahahaha~~"

Ronove laughed; shaking his head in bemusement.

Leviathan was saying some pretty scary stuff- but, then again… she was a Stake; and, despite her cheerful demeanour, she was capable of doing some rather terrifying things.

It was a good thing this was all a joke, or else Kyrie might have been in some real danger.

"Pu ku ku~ Fine. I'll agree with that arrangement. And we can be allies in our romantic endeavors, yes?"

Leviathan's eyes began to sparkle- just like a heroine's in a shoujo manga. It was a surprise rose petals had not started to bloom about her (if she wanted them, she could always punch Ronove in the face a couple of times…)

"Yes!~" she declared exuberantly, throwing her arms wide, "We can be allies in love!~ Whoever stands between me and my adorable Kyrie, I'll kill! I'll seriously kill them! That'll show my sisters how 'incompetent' I am, gyahahihihi~ And then I can go off into the sunset with her, on a white pony… I'll stake her stupid husband in the head, of course- or maybe Belphie can have him, if she wants- and you can get Battler out of the way for me, Ronove, and… Haaau… What a good idea!~ What a perfect fantasy! Kyakyakya!~ Let's make our alliance official, okay!~"

"As you wish, Milady~"

"Ehehehe~"

"Ah, but… it might be inelegant to ask- but I am merely curious… how serious are your feelings towards Madam Kyrie? I feel it would become quite messy if you really tried to kill her husband, pu ku ku~"

"Mmm… uhuhu~" Leviathan grinned. "I don't knoo~oow~ I won't know until I have Kyrie aaall for myself!~ Ehehe! B-but, why are you asking me that question anyway? T-that's way too straightforward! T-think about a girls' fragile heart! H-how serious are your feelings towards Battler, _anyways_?"

"Mm… Well…~ Hn…"

There was a brief pause, during which Ronove looked… strangely lost for words- maybe even a _little _bit embarrassed; and Leviathan couldn't help giggle at this strange lapse, which was pretty satisfying to see. She liked picking out the weak points in people, after all, ufufufu~

"Oh dear~ What you said before… was that… seriously the truth? Were you… really telling the truth?~"

"Mn, I do wonder~ You believed it was a joke so quickly- so I assume my words didn't sound sincere at all. You can believe what you wish, Miss Leviathan." Ronove smiled. "I suppose they are about as serious as your feelings for Madam Kyrie?"

"Ooh?" Leviathan's eyes widened slightly. She grinned. "It's really at _that _level? Really? Wow… Ahaha! Well! If you really were being seriously serious about it, then I guess we simply _have _to make an alliance now! I know how painful it is to be jealous when the person you like doesn't like you back! But we can support each other, okay? I-I think we definitely can!~ Ahaha!~"

And so, with that rather rousing speech from Leviathan, the two friends gently bumped their fists together in a show of camaraderie. Leviathan's tiny, pale fist pressed against Ronove's own, considerably larger, white-gloved one, for a matter of brief moments.

They looked at each other directly in the eye- both smiling all the while.

Then, perhaps both a little abashed at how foolish they were being… they started to laugh.

When Leviathan laughed, it was almost impossible to imagine she was the same sad, lonely girl who had been crying just seconds before.

* * *

><p><strong>an: **Oh and there isn't even any Ronove/Battler interaction in this one… Ahaha it's still pretty shippy though~ I-I-I really like hopeless one-sided crushes okay… o / / / o A-and sometimes feelings like that are best communicated via interactions with other characters...? ^^''  
>Cross-posted from my tumblr from, like, a month ago, but edited up and made nicer~<p>

**~renahhchen xoxo**


	8. The one with Pocky

**Something sweet as sugar & slightly nonsensical**  
>Short o8: The one with Pocky<p>

* * *

><p>"Yeah! We did it, we did it, ihihihi!~"<p>

It was more typical for Battler to stab a finger dramatically at his foe when he spoke in that over the top manner… but there was a small problem with that. Ronove was no longer Battler's enemy. If anything, Ronove was now his partner in crime. So, contrary to his usual actions, Battler held up the palm of his hand.

Ronove looked at it in confusion.

"Is that gesture some form of congratulations? Could we not shake hands instead?"

Battler stared. "Oh, come on. You don't know what _this _is?"

"…I believe that would be your right hand, Battler."

"Ha, ha. Very funny," said Battler, voice deadpan. "I mean- this is a high five, right? You're meant to slap your hand against mine. It's what people do when they've accomplished something _incredible._"

Ronove's face remained blank.

"… …But why?"

"I-I don't know, okay, it's just a _thing_! Don't make such a big deal out it! I just hoped we could celebrate this victory together, you know. Geez." Battler rolled his eyes. "Do you have to be so picky?"

"Aha, well… I don't see the point in this, and I far prefer traditional gestures, but... I wouldn't want to 'make a big deal' out of 'things', as you so charmingly put it- so I suppose I could acquiesce to your demands on this occasion, pu ku ku~"

And with that, Ronove slapped one gloved hand against Battler's proffered one.

Battler's expression brightened considerably at this for whatever reason.

"Ihihi~ _Finally_. But, um… don't talk to me like an 19th century novel anymore. It gives me bad memories of studying literature at school… …"

"I'll try and keep that in mind, if it bothers you."

"Nah, it's okay, it's just… weird." Battler scrunched up his nose. "Then again, everything about you is pretty weird, what with your… effeminate hair, and that monocle- so, maybe it's fine."

"Oh, you do wound me so. I thought we were celebrating our victory, not insulting each other needlessly?"

"Aha, yes! That's right!"

The grin spread across Battler's face once more; making his eyes light up. It was so easy to get Battler riled up, thought Ronove with amusement, that it was no wonder Beatrice took such an interest in him. Energetic humans like this really were interesting.

If given the chance, Battler probably would probably get along quite well with Lady Lambdadelta. Their over-the-top personalities seemed to align with each other's perfectly.

If Battler's latest exploits were anything to go by, Battler had the same sweet tooth as the pink-themed witch as well…

"Ah, we really are awesome, aren't we?" said Battler; a silly smile on his face as he reminisced over their adventures.

It was weird. Battler had always found Beato's butler incredibly aggravating- and, to be honest, he still was… but it was still fun talking to him from time to time; even despite his slightly mean-spirited love of making Battler blush and stutter like an idiot. Maybe it was because they were both guys, and Battler had been trapped in a sea of big-breasted magical girls (though the last time Battler called Beato that she'd kicked him) he wanted some company from a fellow man. Besides, Ronove was decidedly less stab-happy than the seven sisters, or Beato- and Battler didn't feel in danger of his life when he spoke to the demon butler rudely.

To that end, Ronove made a pretty good ally.

Besides, without him, Battler… probably would have been dead by now. That last mission was something Battler couldn't have done alone.

"Mm… I'm doubtful whether stealing Miss Beelzebub's food can be considered commendable behavior or not…" said Ronove thoughtfully, one hand under his chin. "However, I did have fun with you regardless, pu ku ku~"

"And having fun is all that really matters, riiight? I mean, who cares about other people?"

Ronove raised a brow and chuckled. "Oh my. Somebody has evidently been spending too much time with Milady... That's a rather frightening thing to say, pu ku ku~"

"Well, Beato _is_ my wife."

"Indeed. But, please, don't become as selfish as Milady is. I quite like the considerate side of your character…~ And I truly hope you would never contemplate feeding me to Milady's goats if I happened to irritate you."

"Like I'd do that. If I fed you to the goats every time you annoyed me, there wouldn't be any of you left- even if I tried to ration you out carefully~ Ihihi~"

"How cruel! You say this even though I, despite my moral principles, decided to help you so much earlier? Do remember, it was I who helped you break the magic seals of Miss Beelzebub's bedroom, all so you could steal her 'secret' stash of junk food. I did help you quite a lot~ Why, without me, I'm sure the numerous traps set up around that girl's room would have reduced you to a pile of scrap meat…"

"Ihihi, s-scrap meat, is it…?" Battler laughed, rubbing the back of his head. "Tch. She looks so cute- but she's a really nasty girl. I _thought _her traps would be pretty brutal."

"Indeed. Miss Mammon triggered them once whilst attempting to do the same thing we just did. The end result… was not very pretty. Poor Miss Mammon couldn't use her right arm for two weeks…"

"Ooh, that Beelze is really scary… Damn. But I kind of like girls like that. They keep you on your toes?"

"Miss Beelzebub certainly does, given she always steals your breakfast in the mornings. I can't condone such actions, but I imagine chasing her is very good exercise, pu ku ku~" said Ronove, with a small laugh.

Battler grinned. "Heh. Well, that just pisses me off. But the danger of stealing her food just makes the reward even sweet~"

"Mm. That is how magic works as well. And gambling. The greater the risk, the greater the reward. You really will make a fine sorcerer, Battler."

"Heh~ Thanks very much. You're not a bad demon butler yourself."

"Words of praise indeed! Pu ku ku~"

Perhaps you are slightly confused by the above, rather friendly exchange- and, if that is the case, then allow me to elaborate.

Battler and Ronove had, in just a handful of minutes, performed one of the most daring acts of burglary ever recorded in any _kakera_ that had ever existed. They had successfully infiltrated Beelzebub's stronghold- and walked away, unscathed (well, Ronove did have a black eye, but that was only because Battler punched him for saying something vaguely flirtatious afterwards), with handfuls of her much-prized snack foods. Beelzebub guarded her food jealously, just like a dragon protected its treasure, and breaking into her bedroom was no easy matter. Several of the curses she'd strung up were powerful to reduce the human body to stone, or ashes- or even shower down spears upon their heads. But, combining their skills, Battler and Ronove had done it.

They had won.

Maybe stealing food from a young girl wasn't very gentlemanly behavior… but Beelzebub deserved it, she really did. That girl was a monster; a demon (literally).

There was a point where a guy had to put his foot down and say enough was enough when a certain blonde, twin-drill'd demon kept stealing their breakfast every morning.

Especially when Ronove's croissants were delicious.

Unfortunately, the only bits of food Battler had been able to lay his hands on before the numerous traps reactivated themselves were some cheap boxes of Pocky not even Beelze liked very much- but it was still worth it. Beelzebub counted all the items of food she had in her room every morning and every night before she went to bed, so she would definitely notice some of her snacks had gone. That was enough for Battler.

Aaah, revenge really did taste sweet~

"I don't even like Pocky all that much- but knowing we stole them from Beelze makes it taste so much better, ihihi~" said Battler, grinning; voice indistinct, as the stick of Pocky hung out of his mouth. Proffering the packet to Ronove, he asked, none-too-politely, "you want some?"

"Ah… It's rude to eat your mouth full," Ronove chided. "And, no thank you; I'll have to decline. That wasn't the kind of payment I was hoping for when I joined you on your quest…"

"Oh?" Battler raised a brow. "What was, then?"

Ronove smiled mischievously as he surveyed Battler; gloved fingers under his chin as he pondered.

The end of the Pocky stick was still hanging from Battler's mouth.

"Mm, well, I wonder…" said Ronove. "Maybe, I would prefer… something like this, for example… …?"

"H-hey, what are you- u-uu…?"

Battler didn't get to finish.

Ronove leant forwards; cupped Battler's cheek gently with his fingers- and, less than a second later, a very soft and warm feeling pressed against Battler's lips.

It was a kiss.

Ronove was _kissing _him.

That demon butler was… so suddenly, and so shamelessly, h-he was… Ronove had even closed his eyes- and Battler could only stare, frozen in shock, unable to even move his fingers, as he experienced one of the strangest moments of his short little life.

He'd been kissed before by girls a couple of times, sure- but not by a guy.

D-damn it… damn that demon butler…

He really liked screwing around with Battler's head, didn't he? This… probably didn't mean anything much- it, doubtless, didn't mean _anything at all_, and still…

Still, it made Battler's insides flutter slightly.

Then… there was a small _crunch_.

A snapping sound.

It wasn't very loud, and Battler most likely only heard it because his senses had suddenly been heightened and kicked into overdrive at that unwelcome kiss- but Battler got the feeling he knew exactly what it was.

When Ronove broke this chaste kiss mere moments later (he couldn't have been like that for very long), Battler soon found that his incredible hypothesis had been correct.

It was the stick of Pocky.

Ronove had snapped the remainder that hung from Battler's lips in that quick kiss- and had, quite simply, claimed it for himself.

That damn demon butler was smiling a small, self-contented smile; gloved fingers pressed against his lower lip, a completely unabashed and shameless look on his face. He looked exactly like Battler had felt after he'd successfully conducted that raid of Beelzebub's bedroom- but significantly more controlled about his emotions.

Even so… it was impossible to deny there was some amount of happiness in that expression.

Triumph, too.

D-d…

Damn it…

Battler's eyes widened. So did his mouth- and the broken bit of candy he'd been sucking fell onto his lap; sticky with his own saliva.

His face turned light pink.

"T-that… T-that was a dirty move…"

Ronove's smile widened slightly.

"But I thought you made the offer that we could share?~ Besides, stealing a kiss from Battler sounded like more fun to me than stealing Miss Beelzebub's food... With a far, far greater risk… pu ku ku~"

Battler's face turned redder and redder.

"Hm… Surprisingly enough, even subpar food like this tastes rather sweet… when served in a certain way…" Ronove smiled, and elegantly pulled another stick of Pocky from the box held in Battler's slack fingers; placing it in his mouth. Slightly indistinctly, he offered the question, "Would you like to return the favour?"

Battler glared- or at least, tried to glare, beyond his heated up cheeks and horrible burning embarrassment.

"S-shut up… …"

"Oh?~ Is that all?" Ronove tilted his head to one side quizzically, taking the piece of junk food from his mouth. "You aren't going to punch me, or something of the sort…?"

"H-ha, no- I-I bet you're into that kind of thing, too," Battler retorted; forcing himself to retain some calm, any calm, that he might once have possessed. "I-I'm not going to hit you… s-since, a-ah, I… I-I… guess you do need some form of repayment… a-and I'm trying to be a 'gentleman' about it… b-but… But! N-no more, okay?"

"Hm…? No more…? Well, that is quite a pity, certainly, but…" Ronove smiled. "I suppose I was lucky to even receive this much. Do forgive me."

And with that, he placed the piece of Pocky in his mouth, and bit down.

It didn't taste as delicious being consumed this way at all…

How disappointing.

* * *

><p><strong>an: **Yay self indulgent fluff because because because  
>I think there might be 10 stories in this collection… not sure though ^^;;<p>

**~renahhchen xoxo**


	9. The one with games

**Something sweet as sugar & slightly nonsensical**  
>Short o9: The one with games<p>

* * *

><p>"…I guess this is a bad ending, huh?" said Battler, slightly nonplussed, as he stared at the screen flickering before him. "Damn. And I didn't get a single girl…"<p>

"Pu ku ku~ If Milady were here to witness your rather spectacular failure, I'm positive she would torment you endlessly."

"Hn? Oh, it's you."

"Indeed. It is me. Congratulations for spotting it."

Turning his head, Battler spared the sudden newcomer a sharp glance. Of course, given that subtly teasing manner of speech, hidden under a light gloss of elegance that somehow made those veiled insults even more cutting, it could only be one person.

That damn demon butler.

Ihihi… Well, that was a pretty easy mystery to solve. It was hardly on par with Beato's insane closed room murders. Ronove was the only other man who regularly inhabited Purgatorio alongside Battler- so unless Beato or one of those noisy seven sisters had suddenly taken to speaking in an unmistakably deep, masculine tone, it could only have been one other person. The earlier string of reasoning was, in the long run, pretty useless.

Oh well. That demon butler might have been unpleasant and unwelcome, but his tea and cookies certainly weren't- and, happily enough, he just so happened to be carrying a plate laden with delicious baked goods sprinkled liberally with sugar at that moment.

"Heh. Well, you don't need to be sarcastic." Battler rolled his eyes. "Sarcasm is, like, scraping the bottom of the barrel when it comes to being witty. Perhaps even lower. I'd expect better from a person like you."

A small smile spread across Ronove's face. Apparently, he enjoyed this slightly vitriolic conversation, and seemed to take some kind of amusement in being verbally attacked by Battler.

What a masochist.

Well, he must've been, to work under Beato's employ for so long.

"Do forgive me," said Ronove, with a small bow of his head. "I apologize if my unflattering comments were too unimaginative. I will try to improve my conversation so I can be properly aggravating in the future."

"Weeell, I don't know about that… it wasn't an invitation to piss me off even more, ihihi~" said Battler, laughing. "Aaah. Whatever." And, with a small crack from his joints, he stretched his hands upwards, yawning, as though he had just completed a difficult math test- not some weird dating sim game of Beato's. "I'm hungry. This was pretty good timing."

"Indeed. I must have heard your silent desire for subsistence as it drifted through the air, captured it inside my heart, and promptly answered your summons with this plate of cookies. I hope you enjoy them," said Ronove lightly, smiling his signature smile, as he proffered the plate towards Battler.

"Heh. Well, you're as creepy and insincere as ever, I see…"

At least Ronove's cookies, after Battler sampled a couple of them, were delicious as always.

"Man. How can a guy like you make such tasty food?" asked Battler through a mouthful of cookie; crumbs stuck his cheeks, a teasing smirk, honed from him numerous spats with the demon butler in the past, on his lips. "This is the kind of baking you'd expect a traditional cute girl to make for her crush on Valentine's Day."

"Mm, you flatter me~ It's a shame Milady's cooking level has not yet reached the level where it would be acceptable to share with other humans, even though she has been training with Miss Virgilia…"

"Yeah. Most people only have one lifespan, ihihi~"

"Milady could always revive you after you had suffered from the prolonged torture of sampling some of her dishes…?"

"Ehh… I think I'll pass. I do like Beato, but I'm not insane. I'm her husband, and she treats me awfully. I'm afraid to think of how she'll butcher all the ingredients when trying to cook, ihihi~ Besides… I feel mean saying this, given she's so nice, but Virgilia's cooking isn't my cup of tea either. I'm not obsessed with mackerel."

"Not even her mackerel candy? Pu ku ku…"

"W-well, it did have a very unique flavor- b-but I think something like that is _too _unique, even for an adventurous guy like me! I want my sweets to be sweet, and not… ah… not…"

"Induce illness?"

"Heh, there is that. Ha." Battler laughed. "And you tell me not to act callously towards women. You're even worse than me."

"Perhaps I have been spending too much time in your company, pu ku ku… Or maybe I have always been so heartless, but I am able to express it more fully around you," said Ronove, smiling. "Never mind. I believe your decision to forego Milady's food is very wise- and, if I must admit… I am a little bit happy about it."

"Oh? And why's that?"

"Because I selfishly want you to sample only _my_ cooking, of course," Ronove answered; not missing a beat. He spoke so shamelessly, too… "It appears to be the only aspect of my character you like, after all- and I do not wish for Milady to take this positive factor away from me."

"Ihihi…~ So even you can be petty, huh? Well, don't worry. I don't just like your cookies. I like your tea, too."

"Ah… Then I am deeply honored. You can continue to savor my cooking to its fullest, alright? Nothing gives me greater pleasure than serving you, Lord Battler. Pu ku ku…"

"Eheh… heh… y-yeah…" With a slightly shaky laugh, Battler put his sixth cookie back down on the tray; wiping his mouth for stray crumbs. "Something like that would sound great coming from a hot girl, but when it's from your mouth… aaah. The two don't really go well together. Sorry. I'm not into that kind of thing."

"Oh. That is a pity," said Ronove, with a look of mock disappointment on his face. "And yet, in this rather… 'interesting' game you have borrowed from Milady… your character appears to have taken a rather peculiar route? Pu ku ku…"

Battler turned to look at the computer screen once more; proudly displaying the route Battler, with his inability to play these kinds of games, had managed to trigger. In his incompetence, he hadn't managed to win over any of the girls- but his character had managed to gain the affections of his male friend instead…

It was definitely… a bad ending…

Geez. How could Beato rave about these silly dating sim games so enthusiastically when Battler was so bad at them? He could never figure out how to start any of the routes at all- so, ahaha… i-it probably wasn't all that different from real life, given how Battler had floundered when it came to the softer side of romance with Beato after they were married. If Beato could see Battler's miserable string of failures at her favorite games, she surely would've cackled, hit him over the head with her pipe and called him an idiot.

…Well, it wasn't like Beato needed a reason to do any of those things. She did them often enough already.

"_I think you would call something like this life imitating art, wouldn't yoooou, Battler? Gyahahahaha!"_

Aaaah, Battler's head hurt just thinking about it…!

Kuuu… that damn witch.

It didn't help that, behind his shoulder, Ronove- who had dispelled the plate of cookies in a burst of butterflies- was starting to laugh; one hand held 'politely' before his mouth.

"Don't worry. I assume this ending was not the one you truly desired?" Ronove asked, in that mocking tone that made Battler grind his teeth together. "Milady was very skilled at these games, and so always avoided joke endings like this, but… pu ku ku. I suppose everybody has to start somewhere. Being competent at this kind of mindless game is not truly a skill, either…"

Battler glared sourly at Ronove, eyes narrowed. "Urgh… When you say it like that, I feel like it's still some sort of insult…"

"Oh, surely not," Ronove replied, with a laugh. "However… aah, if only for a few moments… I admit, I was beginning to get just a little bit hopeful."

"Hn? And why's that?"

"Well… If you wish me to elaborate, then… ah…"

Ronove leant forwards slightly- and though Battler instinctively backed away in his chair, he soon found he was caged in; unable to escape. The other man was getting unsettlingly close, as he was so fond of doing; and now his gloved hands had reached forwards, lacing the fingers of one hand between Battler's.

Battler's eyes widened. A very light blush rose to his cheeks. His mouth fell open slightly.

"H-hey, R-ronove, I…"

But Battler was unable to finish.

In a manner that was surely very, very impudent for a butler (not that Ronove seemed to care about such things, given how often he poked fun at Beato), Ronove pressed one gloved finger against Battler's lips, and said, "Shh."

Battler had half a mind to bite that annoying finger right off- but something about the intensity of that demon butler's expression, and the blueness of his eyes, froze him in place. He got the feeling, if he made any sudden movements, this scenario could get a lot more awkward…

Aah… t-this… w-was a little like the unfortunate ending to that dating sim game he'd tripped earlier…

Ah… d-damn it…

Speaking softly, almost sensually, Ronove continued, "I was hoping, achieving an ending like this, in a game where the male lead is surrounded by attractive girls… hn… pu ku ku~ Perhaps I was hoping, just a small amount… that maybe you would have some inclinations such as this after all…"

Ronove leant forwards just a little more, until his nose almost bumped against Battler's. They were mere inches apart. If Ronove wanted, it would have been easy to get just a little bit closer and…

"No friggin' way!"

Of course… Battler would not allow such a thing. His face was beet red, his whole body trembling- and he had just successfully pushed that annoying presence back a few inches, hands still held before his face, chest rising and falling.

Stabbing a finger at Ronove dramatically, he declared, with all the tenacity of one hurling a blue truth at a cackling witch, "No way! I'm not interested in that kind of thing! I got that kind of ending in that game because I suck at it, okay? Games don't carry over into real life! This is a bad ending! This is a definite BAD ENDING! Useless, it's all useless! Aaaargh!"

Ronove could only sigh, a look of slight amusement, mingled with… something vaguely akin to… disappointment… …? on his face, as Battler stalked off, with the air of a cat whose tail had just been stepped on.

Well… it was always worth a try.

Even if the result would, inevitably… be something like that… wouldn't it… …?

Indeed.

If this scenario could be compared to one of Beatrice's beloved harem games, then trying to activate a route with Battler… would only ever end in something like this.

A definite bad ending.


End file.
